Being Enough – [Just Me]

Holding high standards for ourselves eventually lead to us saying somthing along the lines of, “I’m just not good enough.” I just wrote about that in my VPD. I’m so sick of those thoughts. They make me angry, not at myself, but I do go down memory lane and remember what led to me being this way towards myself and others sometimes.

Forgiveness is overrated and underrated. It’s the most bittersweet thing we can give ourselves and we can practice doing that more often by recognizing and accepting our flaws. Additionally, we can remember that accepting our flaws doesn’t mean our flaws define us entirely.

My VPD I’m posting on Vocal today is about transitioning from being a confident editor who’s really good at brainstorming to an anxious writer being too hard on themselves. I’m going to challenge myself today, and if you’d like to join me as a fellow perfectionist go ahead, to direct my inner critic solely on the story and not let it branch off into other territory such as my identity, intelligence, or anything else that’s personal. The goal with the second draft is to refine the story and just do my best as a hardworking and vulnerable writer. I treasure my vulnerability. I treasure my flaws. If I were talking to a friend, I wouldn’t want them to be down on themselves because of mistakes they made while working on their life’s passion. Recognizing areas that need improvement is better than being delusional. I’m going to trust myself to do better and be better without tearing myself down.

My Side Characters Kinda Suck, But I Can Fix Them – The Violet Project Diaries – Entry 9

My Side Characters Kinda Suck, But I Can Fix Them

Oh god, they’re horrible.

My first draft rendition of introducing this new group of characters reminded me how sinful it is to write cringy dialogue and that my characters should have purpose or just not exist at all. I don’t mean to be too hard on myself considering it’s the first draft, but I was disappointed to read this scene of diverse characters introducing themselves with a silly/comedic camaraderie and then turning out to be kind of overpowered later. I already know my anime-brain took the lead on this. Now current me has to deal with characters whose purpose is poorly translated. While keeping my focus on making sure the voices of these characters were definitive and believable with their personality, I thought more critically about the development of side characters.

Flowing in Circles – VPD – Entry 4

The Violet Project Diaries is a diary series about the development of my writing career as a dark fantasy novelist. In the hopes of tracking my own writing progress, I hope to help and encourage other writers.

The Violet Project Diaries – Entry 4 – Flowing in Circles

If I were to describe where I’m at on the story timeline of my second draft, I’m approaching the “rising action” part of Freytag’s Pyramid. On the story structure circle created by Harmon, I’m somewhere between step 2 and 3. This is probably why I’m so giddy about having good flow today because this is the buildup before diving to the underground/unconscious/unknown. If you’d like to hear more on that, I have another Will Schroder video for you.

It Was Tempting To Give Up On My Novel – [Just Me]

I think this is a common thing to happen to most writers. You get to that weird middle ground of your novel and wonder if any of it is even worth it. For me, I was worried about my poor habit of overthinking. In my Violet Project Diaries on Vocal, I mentioned that I had to delete some characters and parts of my novel because it was “too meta”. Although I do want my work to be thought provoking, I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to hard or that I bit off more than I can chew. I’m trying to stay humble during this process, but I took a step past humility and wandered into hopelessness. It was tempting to just let it all go and figure out what I “really” wanted in life, but… I mean come on, I’ve spent over 2 years on this thing. Even though I have been thinking critically about the audience’s reception to my work, I’m not going to just drop it because I can’t figure out EXACTLY how audiences want their story told.

The last diary entry got to me. I was going in circles about the concept of karma and trying to figure out why we connect to that concept in storytelling. I was unsure if I was writing my story “correctly” regarding the karmic justice thing, but I already know I won’t know if it’s working or not unless I finish it to the best of my ability and then get it out there.

Writing the second draft has been one hell of a ride, but I’m not giving up. Please check out my Violet Project Diaries on Vocal where I discuss my workflow and the writing resources I stumble across. I’m trying to post as much as possible throughout the week.

“Home” is Where the Art is – [Article/Contest Entry]

So Vocal Media is having a challenge for Vocal Creators like me called “Behind the Beat” where we write about a song that changed our lives. I wrote about “Home” by Three Days Grace and ultimately it was a bittersweet experience, but so very awesome. Here’s the beginning:

The perfect parent doesn’t exist. There will never be a guardian with flawless parenting or the supernatural sense of knowing exactly what their children need all the time. However, every parent and child will come to experience the bittersweet fact of life called pain. Pain echoes in the hearts of the emotionally neglected with a perfect resonance that could bond them or break them. It transforms our relationships with one another and our relationship with life. That echo has reverberated for generations. In my time, the echo thrust into me through the song “Home” by Three Days Grace and it not only woke me to the pain I didn’t understand or know how to express, but also acted as my personal catalyst for self-expression and retrospection through the arts and friendship.

Click here to read the rest.

Prose of The Fool – [Prose Poem]

The first step is the hardest. Could it be because there’s no more land beneath your feet after that first step? The dog is barking with urgency, while your heart is beating with passion, and your foot hovers over a ledge taunting gravity and fate. Calling you The Fool isn’t an insult to your bravery nor an applause. You are pure adrenaline, you are the heart falling into the stomach, the stomach jumping into the throat. You might be naive or tired of everyone calling you what you’re not. You’re just The Fool facing this new beginning that may have been by Chance, but that’s no reason to pass it up.

Click here to read the rest of the poem.

I’m so honored that Vocal.Media put this poem on the homepage as a Staff Pick! It really boosted my spirit for further tarot-based prose poetry.

The Backwards Law and The Wheel of Fortune – [Article]

“If we are to be fully human, fully alive and aware, it seems that we must be willing to suffer for our pleasures.”

Suffering is associated with living, just as pain is associated with being alive. We wouldn’t call ourselves human or alive without experiencing these things, but we also wouldn’t say we were living if we were constantly in a state of suffering. The Wheel of Fortune is a reminder that fortune and misfortune cycles throughout our lives. Our control is located in our responses to it

Read the rest here…