Holding high standards for ourselves eventually lead to us saying somthing along the lines of, “I’m just not good enough.” I just wrote about that in my VPD. I’m so sick of those thoughts. They make me angry, not at myself, but I do go down memory lane and remember what led to me being this way towards myself and others sometimes.
Forgiveness is overrated and underrated. It’s the most bittersweet thing we can give ourselves and we can practice doing that more often by recognizing and accepting our flaws. Additionally, we can remember that accepting our flaws doesn’t mean our flaws define us entirely.
My VPD I’m posting on Vocal today is about transitioning from being a confident editor who’s really good at brainstorming to an anxious writer being too hard on themselves. I’m going to challenge myself today, and if you’d like to join me as a fellow perfectionist go ahead, to direct my inner critic solely on the story and not let it branch off into other territory such as my identity, intelligence, or anything else that’s personal. The goal with the second draft is to refine the story and just do my best as a hardworking and vulnerable writer. I treasure my vulnerability. I treasure my flaws. If I were talking to a friend, I wouldn’t want them to be down on themselves because of mistakes they made while working on their life’s passion. Recognizing areas that need improvement is better than being delusional. I’m going to trust myself to do better and be better without tearing myself down.
My greatest challenge lately has been balancing emotion with logic and when it comes to creating anything, I always feel a bit out of balance. I’ll overthink the way I wrote something or sang something, then a split second later I hate it because what I created doesn’t feel right. I’ve been weighing the balance while creating content on this blog. All I’ve figured out so far is that I don’t want to be boxed in. I want, well, need to connect with others and for that to happen, I need to be transparent, vulnerable, and, as my artist name suggests, authentic.
So, I’ve decided I’m going to gradually exhibit more transparency. I want my blog/Instagram to be in the realm of “lifestyle” when it comes to my spiritual ventures, pagan philosophy, metaphysical wonderings, and the like, but I’m also someone who enjoys advising others and providing information, especially about writing. Being a freelance editor for about two years showed me how much I love helping people sharpen their work and have a better understanding of who they are, so I need to do the same for myself.
My content niche is artistry combined with spirituality. They have never been separated and, frankly, have never been categorized and I think that’s because there’s something about being a creative spirit where freedom is mandatory. If I box myself in, I’ll die. Call it melodramatic, but I can’t emphasize how much it sucks when I go into full-blown panic attacks over thinking about the hypothetical life of having a “steady” job, working from 9-5, eating shitty food because my job doesn’t give me enough time to have a decent meal, rushing to satisfy another person’s schedule, going to bed feeling empty because my job is emotionally unfulfilling, then waking up and doing that all over again. Other’s thrive in the steadiness of a job like that and that’s fine. It’s just not me. So perhaps the purpose of this blog and its content isn’t just to share my lifestyle with others and connect with those who follow the same path, but it’s also to help me take a deep breath and remember that following my intuition in the grand scheme of my overall wellness.
So, that’s who I am and that’s what my little sole-proprietor business shall be. It’s just me: a creative spirit and mystic.
(If anyone knows the original artist of the featured photo, please comment below so I can credit them. Thank you :) )