Whether you accept it or not, we are in a time of great change. Usually, I get tired of hearing that because change is a constant thing no matter what’s happening within or around us, but it can be more in your face when you’re entering a new chapter in your life and it’s simultaneous with a global event.
I think a lot about death in its literal and figurative sense. I’m sure the bulk of us have due to the virus, but for me I wonder about it daily and it’s never been out of fear, but out of sadness and something else that I can only describe as bittersweet and peaceful. Death shouldn’t be discussed nonchalantly. It’s a crux in my artistry and my mystic life, so I can only be respectful.
As the reality of death is closing in for some, others are embracing it, and very few are letting it guide them through an overwhelming transformation. There’s not much more you can do than let grief flail inside you. Let the tears fall, lean on a trusted shoulder, say goodbye, welcome old and new love to bring you comfort, and most importantly, rest.
My heart goes out to many with the hopes that my own creativity can bring a kind of healing to those who share my dark aesthetic. I am in worry and grief too; art helps me accept it and I hope it will help others too.
The first step is the hardest. Could it be because there’s no more land beneath your feet after that first step? The dog is barking with urgency, while your heart is beating with passion, and your foot hovers over a ledge taunting gravity and fate. Calling you The Fool isn’t an insult to your bravery nor an applause. You are pure adrenaline, you are the heart falling into the stomach, the stomach jumping into the throat. You might be naive or tired of everyone calling you what you’re not. You’re just The Fool facing this new beginning that may have been by Chance, but that’s no reason to pass it up.
I’ve genuinely been pursuing calmness in this life because I finally detected the chaotic pattern of my many histories. To keep myself busy in the lives of others and let them rule my ambitions, to hold to anger and revenge as a permanent resolve to my misery; these are the patterns of my self-perpetuating pain from refusing to face the emptiness inside me. That emptiness is a different chaos that simply is; a gateway to my deepest inner truth. I am empty like a room that was robbed, a blank slate. Tried to paint the walls with bloodlust, but the rage doesn’t stick. Revenge just wears the walls down. Letting other people come in and paint the room only upset me and I tolerated it because I kept blaming myself for being robbed. Everyone left when I remembered my power, my worth, and my ability to forgive. I have no more rage to paint with. I am still, like the room, empty, blank. I simply am.
It’s time to relish in the calm and keep things simple. I’ll fill the room with who I am. I’m going to embrace this vulnerability and paint with my true colors. I’m not worried about who comes to stay or leaves. In this calmness, this different chaos that cultivated my freedom and autonomy, I’m going to pursue an environment where I belong; a home. The love of home can never be robbed from me because it becomes me, simply.
The mission on the front of my website is what I’m transforming this platform into. Although this started out with just a home page and blog for me to write about the progress on my novel, I became inspired to create a platform for creative spirits with philosophical minds (like me) to have a community to connect with and a place to cultivate their artistic visions. I started this for myself and as more support grows, I aim to return the favor by finding resources and promoting their work hoping they’ll inspire all of us to reinforce our personal philosophies and the desire to live a life that benefits ourselves and others.
Many thanks to those who have supported my creative projects and research so far. I look forward to supporting your endeavors as well.