Beginnings and Endings – [Just Me]

Whether you accept it or not, we are in a time of great change. Usually, I get tired of hearing that because change is a constant thing no matter what’s happening within or around us, but it can be more in your face when you’re entering a new chapter in your life and it’s simultaneous with a global event.

I think a lot about death in its literal and figurative sense. I’m sure the bulk of us have due to the virus, but for me I wonder about it daily and it’s never been out of fear, but out of sadness and something else that I can only describe as bittersweet and peaceful. Death shouldn’t be discussed nonchalantly. It’s a crux in my artistry and my mystic life, so I can only be respectful.

As the reality of death is closing in for some, others are embracing it, and very few are letting it guide them through an overwhelming transformation. There’s not much more you can do than let grief flail inside you. Let the tears fall, lean on a trusted shoulder, say goodbye, welcome old and new love to bring you comfort, and most importantly, rest.

My heart goes out to many with the hopes that my own creativity can bring a kind of healing to those who share my dark aesthetic. I am in worry and grief too; art helps me accept it and I hope it will help others too.

I have poetry readings, art, and music on the way, which will be on my YouTube channel.

This is definitely the time to get the pain out, creating a clearing for all that we were told to hold back and what grief is demanding us to scream.

Be well. Don’t fear the unknown. Don’t fear your darkness.

Confidence – [Poetry]

Forbidden flavors I was banned from tasting.

Warmth I was scolded for embracing.

A radiant fire that would transport me to Hell

Unless I darkened for an insecure god and his spells.

Blood boiling once I learned of dignity

then taught to drain it for undeserved pity.

Confidence was always a mix of flavor,

sweet when pious, sour to a savior

who wanted to save me from myself,

condemning autonomy as an agent of Hell.

Lying – [Poem]

Unsure if my immobilization

was inspired by one-sided conversation

where you’re pushing, pushing me down

asking me how I ended up on the ground.

“It’s my fault,” I say, “I keep falling.”

Breathing in dust, my brain is stalling.

You command me to walk,

my feet drag and drop

until I see a cliff,

like a true escapist,

and pretend to fall again.

Another lying breath.

Another fall closer to death.

– Kris Leliel

Read another poem: The Prose of the Fool or Peril

Or let me read to you: The Monster Within

Prose of The Fool – [Prose Poem]

The first step is the hardest. Could it be because there’s no more land beneath your feet after that first step? The dog is barking with urgency, while your heart is beating with passion, and your foot hovers over a ledge taunting gravity and fate. Calling you The Fool isn’t an insult to your bravery nor an applause. You are pure adrenaline, you are the heart falling into the stomach, the stomach jumping into the throat. You might be naive or tired of everyone calling you what you’re not. You’re just The Fool facing this new beginning that may have been by Chance, but that’s no reason to pass it up.

Click here to read the rest of the poem.

I’m so honored that Vocal.Media put this poem on the homepage as a Staff Pick! It really boosted my spirit for further tarot-based prose poetry.

The After -[Poem]

Under a blanket of white

starts the eternal sleep;

A trance with transportation

towards a new dimension deep.

As I release my shell,

my soul I get to keep.

A new journey birthed

from the experience I reaped.

It’s easier to hope for nothing, yet I eagerly embrace the unknown something.

Simply – [Prose Poem]

I’ve genuinely been pursuing calmness in this life because I finally detected the chaotic pattern of my many histories. To keep myself busy in the lives of others and let them rule my ambitions, to hold to anger and revenge as a permanent resolve to my misery; these are the patterns of my self-perpetuating pain from refusing to face the emptiness inside me. That emptiness is a different chaos that simply is; a gateway to my deepest inner truth. I am empty like a room that was robbed, a blank slate. Tried to paint the walls with bloodlust, but the rage doesn’t stick. Revenge just wears the walls down. Letting other people come in and paint the room only upset me and I tolerated it because I kept blaming myself for being robbed. Everyone left when I remembered my power, my worth, and my ability to forgive. I have no more rage to paint with. I am still, like the room, empty, blank. I simply am.

It’s time to relish in the calm and keep things simple. I’ll fill the room with who I am. I’m going to embrace this vulnerability and paint with my true colors. I’m not worried about who comes to stay or leaves. In this calmness, this different chaos that cultivated my freedom and autonomy, I’m going to pursue an environment where I belong; a home. The love of home can never be robbed from me because it becomes me, simply.

Website Changes and The Mission

Hello friends,

A few changes to the site.

The Welcome page is a little different. Information about my novel and other projects are now on a page called “Authentikei’s Work” along with the Music page and the Poetry Readings page.

The Philosophy Study page is a work in progress, but it’s there.

Regarding The Mission

The mission on the front of my website is what I’m transforming this platform into. Although this started out with just a home page and blog for me to write about the progress on my novel, I became inspired to create a platform for creative spirits with philosophical minds (like me) to have a community to connect with and a place to cultivate their artistic visions. I started this for myself and as more support grows, I aim to return the favor by finding resources and promoting their work hoping they’ll inspire all of us to reinforce our personal philosophies and the desire to live a life that benefits ourselves and others.

Many thanks to those who have supported my creative projects and research so far. I look forward to supporting your endeavors as well.