Classical Lofi and Honest Chaos – [Just Me/Video]

First and foremost, I found classical lofi and I love it.

Second, I’ve accepted that my writing and creative career is being accomplished in chaotic baby steps. I make small achievements on a daily basis, I think, but thanks to the mental health issues I have, sometimes I forget that daily progress. There’s a lot about my mind that I’m still learning. What I have learned has completely disrupted every single one of my schedules. NaNoWriMo? Only lasted a few days. Poetry reading? Nearly forgot it existed. Psychology degree? Who cares. Eating healthy? Why?

Yeah. It got that bad and then some. It happens though. Actually, this is what my entire life has always been like and when I look back at how my literal hurricane brain somehow achieved previous goals, I’m impressed and baffled really. When my hurricane brain goes full throttle, I beat myself up about it and that is currently a hard habit to break. I long for structure when it comes to my life goals, even though I am a lover of chaos because it inspires me. I guess I have to accept that there’s a method to my madness now. Even my therapist told me I’m trying to force structure on things that aren’t needed, and my rebuttal was, “Dude, it’s my career though,” and my therapist replied with, “Sounds like you need a partner/help,” which I laugh at because who in their right mind would be able to handle me? I can’t even handle me…I know there are those crazy agents out there who are willing to help artists of all sorts promote themselves and their insanity, but I can’t really imagine anyone like that for myself. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but, you know…If it happens, it happens.

So yeah, that’s me currently. I’m going to continue understanding myself, grounding myself, and when another creative project is completed, I’ll let you know.

The most recent completion is finally releasing my cover of “Love’s A Burden” by the metal symphonic band Beyond The Black. It’s a dark electronic wonder and I love it. Many thanks if you listen and subscribe to my YouTube. If you don’t have YouTube in your country, I will upload the video on the website soon. You can find the music on Spotify, Tidal, Apple Music, GooglePlay and other digital music distributors.

Love’s A Burden – Cover Song – [Music Video]

My cover of Love’s A Burden. Hope you enjoy and subscribe.

Comment what you think below 🙂

Twitter/Instagram/Facebook/Tumblr: Authentikei

Available on iTunes/Apple Music, Spotify, Tidal, TikTok, Amazon, GooglePlay, Deezer, Pandora, Twitch and more.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0gpepcMMhXEGMh1UEdj9Uk

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/loves-a-burden-single/1538243561?uo=4&app=music&at=1001lry3&ct=dashboard

Sometimes… – [Just Me]

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sometimes I’ll listen to old music, whether I created it or it was composed by someone else, and just cry as I relive the negative emotions and false, illogical arguments as to why I wasn’t good enough or as good as them. Then I relive the memories of a broken mind and more broken heart pushing others away simultaneously with and without the intention to do so. Splitting is what they call it…

While I continue to pick up the pieces, I remember that I want nothing more than to prove my past self wrong and prove those who hurt me wrong. I’m good enough. This is my life’s work. I can do this. I’m going to do this.

Working on Music and Poetry Projects – [News]

The lack of blogging and writing is due to getting closer and closer to finishing a poetry reading and a cover song that was put off long ago. I tend to rotate between my creative projects, so when the music buzz hit, I jumped right on it and I’m really grateful for the breakthroughs I’ve made. However, I don’t like going radio silent either with my blogging or Vocal articles, but I guess you can’t do everything at once right? In a perfect world, I could work on all of my projects, get my schoolwork done, and still have time to relax afterwards, haha.

I hope you all are well and I’ll let you know when the projects are done. I will be posting videos on my YouTube channel, but for my readers who can’t use YouTube, I’ll see if WordPress or another video player is available to embed.

Be well.

Sometimes I Lose Sight Of Who I Am – [Just Me]

The delusions surrounding are endless. Layer after layer of “I have to do this” and “I need to do that” when it’s all really a choice in the end, my choice.

To recalibrate, I remind myself that it’s not about what I should or have or need to do, but what I want to do. Responsibility is only efficient if you’re working towards an achievement you genuinely desire.

All I want is to be, to speak, be heard, to create, be seen. That only requires a gentle and persistent attentiveness to the soul.

Over this exhausting week, I took moments to praise past creations I was hesitant to share. I’ve decided to follow through with exposing them again, rekindling my music and my poetry.

The research for my dark fantasy novel series has led to a nonfiction book idea actually. It was unexpected, but I think it was a necessary concept that can be manifested into a kind of “guide for creative spirits” thing. All things in time though.

Self-trust and being grounded is so important for me right now. I want to share how refocusing on those two things over and over again is such an excellent anchor that we tend to let go of when distractions occur. I recently listened to the podcast What in the Wyrd by Kelley Harrell, which is basically about life lessons we can attain from the elder futhark aka the Nordic runes used for divination and other magical uses. The most recent episode discussed accountability and soul tending relating to the rune thurisaz, which is all about how there are many types of powers that want to survive. Depending on the power, the extent at which we try to keep that power alive can be out of desperation or integrity or whatever. That also depends on how efficient our soul tending is. Going back to my point, self-trust and being grounded keeps one’s inner power alive and burning, but sometimes us creatives forget that.

I write, I create, and I am because I’m aspiring to stop straying away from myself and forgetting my power to the point that it ends up dying. I don’t want to go back there. Never again.

Be well.

Mystic Music Mondays! EDM, Gothic Metal, and More! – [Music]

I’m starting a Mystic Music Mondays. Every Monday, I’d like to show you 5 new bands/groups that I like because music like this is helping me keep my f**king sanity moderately stable. I discovered some music last week while listening to a Communion After Dark video and just wanted to share my favorites.

Basszilla

Disclaimer: The music video below has brief nudity.

We’re starting with BASSZILLA, described as a EDM/progressive house/complextro project from Germany. I never knew there was a music video for “Hell Rave”, but I love it. It plays on the a lot of the Satanic Panic junk that happened in the 80s. Even LaVey pops up. I can’t listen to this without dancing a little bit. The music was alluring in itself, but it was nice to find the video. It made me smile.

Do I have a migraine or do I just need to dance?

MONO INC.

Oh if only we could make this song the official goth anthem. The song “Children of the Dark” has lyrics many of us can relate to. MONO INC. is a German Gothic Metal band. Apparently, “MONO is a derivative of Monomania, a term from the 19th century psychiatric disease theory, a form of partial insanity conceived as single pathological preoccupation in an otherwise sound mind,” (Wikipedia).

MONDTRÄUME

Mondträume is a Spanish dark synthpop group with melodies that have become ecstasy for me. When I heard them on Communion After Dark, I listened to just them for a good part of the evening, so it’s safe to say they’re pretty addicting and inspiring.

Rotersand

I found yet another German electronic group, but Rotersand is more industrial pop. The song I ran into, “Waiting to be Born” had me at the faint choir in the background. That just always gets me. The video below shows the singer on a boat with a reassuring message in “Not Alone”.

Mendel / Mendel bij de Leij

I stumbled upon this epicness in the Spotify Playlist “Instrumental Madness” and feel so honored to have been graced with Mendel. Just…holy f**k please just listen to “Descending Upon Hades”. Mendel is a rock/metal guitarist from the Netherlands (but probably a god in disguise, idk).

The whole album is probably going to be my new painting music, so I’m just going to leave the playlist here.

Hope you liked my discoveries for this Mystical Music Monday! Anyone you recommend? Leave a comment below.

Beginnings and Endings – [Just Me]

Whether you accept it or not, we are in a time of great change. Usually, I get tired of hearing that because change is a constant thing no matter what’s happening within or around us, but it can be more in your face when you’re entering a new chapter in your life and it’s simultaneous with a global event.

I think a lot about death in its literal and figurative sense. I’m sure the bulk of us have due to the virus, but for me I wonder about it daily and it’s never been out of fear, but out of sadness and something else that I can only describe as bittersweet and peaceful. Death shouldn’t be discussed nonchalantly. It’s a crux in my artistry and my mystic life, so I can only be respectful.

As the reality of death is closing in for some, others are embracing it, and very few are letting it guide them through an overwhelming transformation. There’s not much more you can do than let grief flail inside you. Let the tears fall, lean on a trusted shoulder, say goodbye, welcome old and new love to bring you comfort, and most importantly, rest.

My heart goes out to many with the hopes that my own creativity can bring a kind of healing to those who share my dark aesthetic. I am in worry and grief too; art helps me accept it and I hope it will help others too.

I have poetry readings, art, and music on the way, which will be on my YouTube channel.

This is definitely the time to get the pain out, creating a clearing for all that we were told to hold back and what grief is demanding us to scream.

Be well. Don’t fear the unknown. Don’t fear your darkness.

A Joyful and Pleasurable Patience

“I’d rather write one good book than ten mediocre ones.” – Donna Tartt

I’m finding that deadlines are bittersweet. They’re motivating, but I strongly feel that anything I create must be made to the best of my ability and I trust in my ability to make high quality work. I’m not striving for perfection as an artist; I’m striving for excellence. I want nothing more than progression and every publication to be a milestone in that progress.

With that being said, I’m eager for the near completion of my short story and the projects to follow. I’m also grateful for the time I’ve had to take care of myself and a very productive week. I hope anyone reading this is staying safe and trusting themselves to strive for excellence too with the time and power they have. Be patient with yourself.