Sometimes I Lose Sight Of Who I Am – [Just Me]

The delusions surrounding are endless. Layer after layer of “I have to do this” and “I need to do that” when it’s all really a choice in the end, my choice.

To recalibrate, I remind myself that it’s not about what I should or have or need to do, but what I want to do. Responsibility is only efficient if you’re working towards an achievement you genuinely desire.

All I want is to be, to speak, be heard, to create, be seen. That only requires a gentle and persistent attentiveness to the soul.

Over this exhausting week, I took moments to praise past creations I was hesitant to share. I’ve decided to follow through with exposing them again, rekindling my music and my poetry.

The research for my dark fantasy novel series has led to a nonfiction book idea actually. It was unexpected, but I think it was a necessary concept that can be manifested into a kind of “guide for creative spirits” thing. All things in time though.

Self-trust and being grounded is so important for me right now. I want to share how refocusing on those two things over and over again is such an excellent anchor that we tend to let go of when distractions occur. I recently listened to the podcast What in the Wyrd by Kelley Harrell, which is basically about life lessons we can attain from the elder futhark aka the Nordic runes used for divination and other magical uses. The most recent episode discussed accountability and soul tending relating to the rune thurisaz, which is all about how there are many types of powers that want to survive. Depending on the power, the extent at which we try to keep that power alive can be out of desperation or integrity or whatever. That also depends on how efficient our soul tending is. Going back to my point, self-trust and being grounded keeps one’s inner power alive and burning, but sometimes us creatives forget that.

I write, I create, and I am because I’m aspiring to stop straying away from myself and forgetting my power to the point that it ends up dying. I don’t want to go back there. Never again.

Be well.

Mystic Music Mondays! EDM, Gothic Metal, and More! – [Music]

I’m starting a Mystic Music Mondays. Every Monday, I’d like to show you 5 new bands/groups that I like because music like this is helping me keep my f**king sanity moderately stable. I discovered some music last week while listening to a Communion After Dark video and just wanted to share my favorites.

Basszilla

Disclaimer: The music video below has brief nudity.

We’re starting with BASSZILLA, described as a EDM/progressive house/complextro project from Germany. I never knew there was a music video for “Hell Rave”, but I love it. It plays on the a lot of the Satanic Panic junk that happened in the 80s. Even LaVey pops up. I can’t listen to this without dancing a little bit. The music was alluring in itself, but it was nice to find the video. It made me smile.

Do I have a migraine or do I just need to dance?

MONO INC.

Oh if only we could make this song the official goth anthem. The song “Children of the Dark” has lyrics many of us can relate to. MONO INC. is a German Gothic Metal band. Apparently, “MONO is a derivative of Monomania, a term from the 19th century psychiatric disease theory, a form of partial insanity conceived as single pathological preoccupation in an otherwise sound mind,” (Wikipedia).

MONDTRÄUME

Mondträume is a Spanish dark synthpop group with melodies that have become ecstasy for me. When I heard them on Communion After Dark, I listened to just them for a good part of the evening, so it’s safe to say they’re pretty addicting and inspiring.

Rotersand

I found yet another German electronic group, but Rotersand is more industrial pop. The song I ran into, “Waiting to be Born” had me at the faint choir in the background. That just always gets me. The video below shows the singer on a boat with a reassuring message in “Not Alone”.

Mendel / Mendel bij de Leij

I stumbled upon this epicness in the Spotify Playlist “Instrumental Madness” and feel so honored to have been graced with Mendel. Just…holy f**k please just listen to “Descending Upon Hades”. Mendel is a rock/metal guitarist from the Netherlands (but probably a god in disguise, idk).

The whole album is probably going to be my new painting music, so I’m just going to leave the playlist here.

Hope you liked my discoveries for this Mystical Music Monday! Anyone you recommend? Leave a comment below.

Beginnings and Endings – [Just Me]

Whether you accept it or not, we are in a time of great change. Usually, I get tired of hearing that because change is a constant thing no matter what’s happening within or around us, but it can be more in your face when you’re entering a new chapter in your life and it’s simultaneous with a global event.

I think a lot about death in its literal and figurative sense. I’m sure the bulk of us have due to the virus, but for me I wonder about it daily and it’s never been out of fear, but out of sadness and something else that I can only describe as bittersweet and peaceful. Death shouldn’t be discussed nonchalantly. It’s a crux in my artistry and my mystic life, so I can only be respectful.

As the reality of death is closing in for some, others are embracing it, and very few are letting it guide them through an overwhelming transformation. There’s not much more you can do than let grief flail inside you. Let the tears fall, lean on a trusted shoulder, say goodbye, welcome old and new love to bring you comfort, and most importantly, rest.

My heart goes out to many with the hopes that my own creativity can bring a kind of healing to those who share my dark aesthetic. I am in worry and grief too; art helps me accept it and I hope it will help others too.

I have poetry readings, art, and music on the way, which will be on my YouTube channel.

This is definitely the time to get the pain out, creating a clearing for all that we were told to hold back and what grief is demanding us to scream.

Be well. Don’t fear the unknown. Don’t fear your darkness.

A Joyful and Pleasurable Patience

“I’d rather write one good book than ten mediocre ones.” – Donna Tartt

I’m finding that deadlines are bittersweet. They’re motivating, but I strongly feel that anything I create must be made to the best of my ability and I trust in my ability to make high quality work. I’m not striving for perfection as an artist; I’m striving for excellence. I want nothing more than progression and every publication to be a milestone in that progress.

With that being said, I’m eager for the near completion of my short story and the projects to follow. I’m also grateful for the time I’ve had to take care of myself and a very productive week. I hope anyone reading this is staying safe and trusting themselves to strive for excellence too with the time and power they have. Be patient with yourself.

“Home” is Where the Art is – [Article/Contest Entry]

So Vocal Media is having a challenge for Vocal Creators like me called “Behind the Beat” where we write about a song that changed our lives. I wrote about “Home” by Three Days Grace and ultimately it was a bittersweet experience, but so very awesome. Here’s the beginning:

The perfect parent doesn’t exist. There will never be a guardian with flawless parenting or the supernatural sense of knowing exactly what their children need all the time. However, every parent and child will come to experience the bittersweet fact of life called pain. Pain echoes in the hearts of the emotionally neglected with a perfect resonance that could bond them or break them. It transforms our relationships with one another and our relationship with life. That echo has reverberated for generations. In my time, the echo thrust into me through the song “Home” by Three Days Grace and it not only woke me to the pain I didn’t understand or know how to express, but also acted as my personal catalyst for self-expression and retrospection through the arts and friendship.

Click here to read the rest.

Preparing for a Transition

Even though I work another part-time job at the moment, I’m preparing for a schedule change where writing and creating will be my priority again. Authentikei was started due to wanting to become a novelist. I’m already a writer, musician, and artist who is finally seizing the time and courage needed to get my work out there. Building my career isn’t just about making money my bitch and defying certain social norms (haha), but also finding a community where we can have great discourse about our personal philosophies and truths along with enjoying art and life in general. If I want my work to stand for anything, it should be clear in the name: authenticity.

Thank you for your patience. Really wanted to touch base and I hope you’ll like what’s planned in the future. All the work I have announced has not been forgotten. In fact, it’s all coming together very nicely. I’ll have some new articles coming out too, by the way. Thank you for the support. Make sure you take care of yourselves.

Lastly, to my fellow Americans, please be respectful of Native American cultures during this time. You know exactly why we should be.

Art Fuels Me

Took a step back. Grounded myself. Remembered how much art fuels me in every single way to live proudly.

Just wanted to say that…because sometimes I forget. I focus so much on the career and financial part of everything I am doing (because I’m determined to make a living off of being a writer/musician) and then I forget about just living my truth, the law of abundance, and all the other things involving manifestation.

Everything I do comes together and the results are in abundance and I’m happy I can share that with others.

Issues With Vocal.Media – [News]

Hello all,

So, for over a week now, I’ve been having issues signing into Vocal.Media and accessing my account so I can write more articles. This is due to an update to the website. Since this isn’t really within my control, I am still writing the article on the first Hermetic principle, but if it takes too long for Vocal.Media to fix the issues, I’ll probably post it on the website.

Additionally, finally made a TikTok account (as I was freaking out before in my previous post, heheh) and the purpose of that isn’t really to just goof around. I want to be more transparent with my music making process and with just how I create in general. For those of you interested, my account name is authentikei. Because of the writing issues, I’ll probably focus on music a bit more, but I wish to stay connected with you all, so I hope you do follow. I like sharing my artistry with you.

Have a good day.