Is luck on my side? Will my goals in life that can lead to success? Will my prosperity candle spell work?

Not everything is guaranteed, but one thing is: change. Change. It’s chaotic, random, and often not noticed until it’s noticed. Lately, I’ve been exploring how my agnosticism and absurdism plays around with my mystic practices and it’s really bizarre, but also really fun. There’s something very grounding when I meditate, channel intent and focus into my lit candles, and allow all the symbols from my tarot decks and oracle cards to act like a subjective puzzle and mirror of my consciousness. I have answered “yes” to all of those questions above with 99% confidence.

Luck is a strange concept, but I feel I can attract all its kinds one way or another. I have trusted my prosperity spells and have seen the desired results. Also, I have looked at my goals, my attitude, and my efforts in an honest and practical matter, helping me to be successful and proud of myself. All of these are coinciding events. Coincidence is a powerful force in itself and I can’t help but respect it. And for the record, I have had “bad luck”, unintentional prosperity opportunities via a spell candle, and have completely forgotten how to be practical during work sessions that are supposed to be productive. It’s all still coincidence, coinciding events occurring around and within me that happen to become teachable moments.

Humans are irrational as hell. We come up with random ideas. They’re supported, reformed, or just flat our denied. We may persist to keep presenting them or prove their worth or just abandon it altogether. It’s all still random. It’s all change happening within us, around us. Even the most logical of us have to learn to be adaptable when we learn that not everything can be predicted. The most adaptable or flexible have to adjust to a sense of structure or tradition if not out of respect, then at least out of acceptance, learning that we can’t work around the things we have to face head on. This is how we’ve built societies, governments, laws, principles, institutions, economies, ethics…we’ve also reformed them or destroyed them.

We’re just really f**king weird when it comes to deciding what’s what. That’s why it’s hard to understand how we hold ourselves back with standards of living or codes of honor or whatever we want to call the expectations we internalize. Our reality is so malleable and paradoxical with so much beyond our control, and yet we’re obsessed with control as chaos reigns.

I think I want to explore luck, manifestations, and coincidence more. Whatever helps me stop obsessing over fool proof plans and formulas to success. I think my luck and manifestations are my own in some way and coincidence sort of wanders around me like it wanders around everything else. At least then I’m not making myself go crazy over the made up guarantees promised to me.

Leliel

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Chiron in Leo Mantra

The opinions of others are separate from my truth.

I woke up anxious and angry over a dream that revealed how poorly I respond to the actions and opinions of others. I gave them too much power. It’s exactly what has made manipulating me so easy for others whether I consider them close or are just random strangers. My Leo Chiron is in the first house vibing with my ascendant and opposing my Aquarian stellium (my sun, mercury, and saturn…yeah). This energy is aggravating. I jump to conclusions about how a person will respond to my actions and feelings and while thinking I’m preparing for the worst by setting up a good comeback or thinking of the most aggressive and vengeful way to put them in their place. It sucks living and thinking this way, thinking that because my emotional needs have been ignored and rejected time and time again I always have to be on guard and ready to fight. I’m never going to condone the people who have hurt me in the past, but I would like to stop acting like those people hold so much power over my life and identity. It’s not even really their fault that they have so much power over me; I give them that power. It’s unintentional, but I do it nonetheless.

Remember The Astrological Houses The Easy Way

So during today’s meditation and oracle reading, I reflected on the pain I was holding in my heart, the part of me that lashes out in offensive and defensive ways when my anxiety spikes. That pain is still there because I try so damn hard to ward off anymore ridicule and rejection externally, then completely forget that the internal pain is still there, still screaming for help. Why does healing have to be so tricky? I mean, I feel like I’m at the point where I know I can heal myself if I just nurtured self-healing more often. Why is my go to an immediate revenge plan or preparing for the worst? I guess that’s all I’ve known, but I’m ready to remind myself that I have options when it comes to my healing and that there are some points to remember as I heal:

  • Some people are too f**ked up to care about you. (The nice version is that people are not “emotionally mature” enough, but I like mine more.)
  • People and the universe we live in don’t owe you anything and aren’t obligated to care. It’s great when people do care, but as an absurdist, I accept that most things if not all things originate from a cold meaninglessness, but if we want, we can assign purpose/meaning to what benefits us even if that may seem pointless to others.
  • We all have limited views of one another. That chiron in Leo is a significator of social anxiety, if you ask me, so it’s good to remember that people, no matter how close they are, aren’t capable of understanding who you are in your entirety and vice versa. People are more often focused on their own shit anyway. Sure, there are some obsessive freaks out there that may think about you constantly, but how much would they really know? Probably not a lot.

To reinstate my power and inner truth, I came up with this mantra during meditation:

The opinions of others are separate from my truth.

While listening to the music below, I spoke this mantra aloud and it helped me feel less enmeshed with the people I was worried about. The point of being isn’t to change how people understand you. The point is to just be. I’m so done forgetting that.

What To Expect During Each Planetary Retrograde

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“You are free and that is why you are lost.”

– Franz Kafka, “Letter to His Father”

I constantly sway back and forth between knowing who I am and what I want, then not knowing anything about myself at all. It’s like an automatic dissociation from the self and it leaves me ungrounded, floating. I often try to resist this lost feeling, but it’s such a frequent experience now and since many of my experiences often inspire wonderful art, I’m just going to let it happen now.

There is a loss and lack of meaning behind so many instances where I’m hyper aware of my absence in various populations…groups…social circles. For the longest time, this felt like a curse, like I was some sort of poison everyone was trying to avoid or when they did notice me, I was either scolded, shunned, or pushed to convert to what makes them feel comfortable. Why do they tell me how to feel? How to act? How to think? I can’t belong in places, no, I won’t belong in any place where everyone wants to be the same or where everyone wants to be unique and free, yet surrenders that power to one way of being. I feel like most societies develop a mutual and reciprocal respect for how we should live together, tolerate each other, but even in America, land of the free, there are sects of different societies that are determined to control one another not noticing they’re being controlled by higher powers…or perhaps they do know. Perhaps they’re just as aware as I am that the figures with the most power and influence have made themselves untouchable, so if you can’t beat them, join them and if you can’t join them, mimic them, pretend. What loss…

I was reviewing the aspects of Luciferian doctrine from a variety of left-hand sources. I do that when I feel lonely and lost; it’s such a lovely reminder that I’m not alone in the pursuit of enlightenment, enamored by the virtue of being the forever student because the mysteries of nature are so everlasting, that they will outlive us effortlessly. There’s something about accepting that that makes being a mystic honorable. Because I no longer bow to gods or people playing god nor dive too deeply in a doctrine or an influence simply because of its appeal (Luciferianism included), I have an intense, undying freedom, which I noticed repels anyone who has only wanted to blend in or belong. I do tend to romanticize solitude, but I don’t want to be cut off from experiences with others simply because they won’t find any need to include me in something. Even if I am included, whether ulterior motives are there or not, the experience inspires.

Who am I? Am I freedom or is that too simple? Am I ravenous for knowledge or does that set a very ambiguous precedent of my identity? (It’s not like I’m a walking computer.) “I’m an artist,” is closer. “I’m a creator,” is even closer. “I’m a mystic and creative spirit,” hits the nail on the head for me and will forever be too mysterious for others. Perhaps because I live in a world where individual souls are so desperate for belonging, I mimicked that as a learned behavior. I don’t think I want to belong to anyone or anything, at least according the standards of a society. I think my belongingness exists within myself and is transfixed with the reality of my existence, which I guess is as grounded as I’ll ever get.

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I’m taking some time to reflect today for the sake of making sure I take steps on the path that’s right for me. The video above has great meditation music for aura cleansing. I’ve been enjoying it anyway since it’s subtle and ambient. It was great for my morning divination today.

Be well.

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You are never alone if you remember and believe that you are connected to all things. Trust moments of solitude so you’ll have time to ground yourself and feel that connection. You’ll find who you are there and those who need to strengthen their connection with you shall find you, just as you are searching for them. We just need moments of silence sometimes so we can hear the call or be still in the chaos so we can feel what direction we’re being pulled in.

You are never alone, but when you feel alone, just be still.

I was wrong.

The energy from the reason and this season isn’t about “positivity”. It’s about empowerment and confidence. We spent a good deal in Cancer season reflecting on many of the deep wounds our inner child went through with a cameo from father Capricorn to help us stand on our two feet again. Now it’s time to march on. The wounds are healing and we’re stronger now. It’s time to fucking show that off, but not for attention’s sake, for my sake.

Shit lol. My cynicism really likes canceling out self-worth wtf. This came to me after meditating with malachite and burning some sage in the space, by the way.