Wow, I am… I want to say I’m “exhausted”, but really I’m proud. There were moments of emotional adversity within the previous week. I survived it. Sometimes it’s weird to look back at a past moment that previously would’ve led to a more explosive result. I’ve been practicing ignoring things more, which I shared on Instagram.
One of the reasons why I’m pursuing psychology is to address the function or desire behind emotional manipulation. It’s amazing how far a person will go to convince you that you should be submitting to a higher power, an authoritarian figure, or even that person in order to have betterment in your life. It’s salesmanship, really. Lol, really petty salesmanship.
As I pursue my psychology degree, I look forward to a deeper plunge into the almost ridiculous ways a human will take to feel validated. It’s not like the desire for validation is bad. Validation in itself, I think, it’s very natural. I’d be a hypocrite for saying the opposite, especially as a writer/artist. I just feel that the way we pursue validation through means of force, manipulation, and otherwise is not just astounding, but also contradictory. That’s just my opinion though. I hope to expand upon that later in the future through more publications and art.
So my first horror short “Autonomy Bleeds Black” has been available on Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, Scribd, and other ebook platforms for a couple of months now. To make the free excerpt of the story more accessible, I’m going to share it on my website and on Vocal after I do some line editing. It is my first published work lol it’s not perfect, but I am proud and want to share it as much as I can.
The free excerpt will be available next week. Hope you’ll enjoy it!
So I’m working on another/essay about the history of divination, its structure, and how it became stigmatized. I’ve been wanting to research this for a while because I have been scrutinized by the stigma by those who value science and those who value their religious practice. The motive to research isn’t necessarily to “prove” anything, but to understand how we comprehend something as having power and influence over our lives versus embracing what power we have over our own lives and the lives of others because it’s considered either “blasphemy” to embrace the power of god or just delusional; and yet, humanity’s use of symbolism to process the explainable and unexplainable things in life has been constant for so long.
When I started hunting for resources for my work, I was a bit underwhelmed. It was interesting to review how diviners were once revered advisors to rulers in the past. To this day, we still have people we call mystics, prophets, or readers who are depended on to interpret “the will of god” or the energy of the times. As someone who’s a mystic, I’m already aware of this and also aware of the more popular types of divination, and why divination is bastardized by those who value the scientific method and the domineering religious beliefs in specific areas of the world. All the research I found covered what I already knew so I’m hoping to actually breakdown the standard techniques of divination, the significance of symbolism, and how symbols/omens from divination practices may have made some symbols universal (one example being how we look at the four natural elements metaphorically).
It’s going to take some time, but I thoroughly enjoy it. A while ago, I was also researching past life regression and reincarnation. I still hope to write about that, but understanding of the language of symbolism is required because past life regression is often tapped in to through meditative or divinatory means. One step at a time.
I had some flooding in my place earlier this week and that required most of my attention. Meanwhile, I’ve received some positive feedback on my new astrology article “What To Expect During Each Retrograde” and I am so grateful.
Half of the day will be a catch up day for me, meaning more posts are coming. I hope all of you are staying healthy and making smart choices. Since my week was a bit stressful, the best thing I could do was take a step back for a few days and now I feel more rejuvenated.
Building my writing career has been incredibly fun and intimidating. Now I’m taking steps closer towards furthering my education by pursuing a degree in psychology. I’m really excited.
More novel work is on the way. I’ve decided to read/edit approximately 25%-30% of my first draft and then start rewriting again. I’m debating on sharing some excerpts of my narration to see if I get any feedback, but I’m not sure that will happen because I’m not noticed by a lot of people yet and that’s fine. I’m going to start campaigning my short story, “Autonomy Bleeds Black” more and see if I can get critical or brutal feedback from audiences then.
Yep. Marketing, marketing, marketing. It all comes down to that, doesn’t it?
I hope you all had a nice weekend even though the astrological energy was very intense and Saturnarian. The fourth is a holiday out here in the U.S., but there wasn’t much to celebrate, really. My introversion was pretty extreme over the weekend. I set aside some time to reflect on my future and what kinds of things I’ve manifested due to how I was in the past. After that, I’m more motivated to work on my writing career and I’m grateful for that. Sometimes too much reflection pulls you away from accepting the present for what it is.
More VPD and other things on the way. Hope you have a good one.
My week started out strong, then my sleep schedule messed me up. I ended up going silent yesterday without intending to. Lol, it happens. I have a lot of catching up to do, but that’ll be for tomorrow. You can catch up to my Violet Project Diaries (a diary tracking my novel progress and writing career) or check out some of my poetry on my Vocal.Media profile.
Karma is more about understanding your habits and inner truth than it is fearing the consequences of every action. We catch ourselves doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, and then being disappointment. Understanding ourselves helps us ween off the subconscious need for codependency and reinforce the beneficial truth of interdependency.
For me, I have the habit of using defensiveness as a guard against being abandoned, rejected, and exploited because it has happened many times in this life and my past ones. However, that desire to guard is a codependent mechanism in itself. I defined myself by the approval and disapproval of others rather than be my true self and let those who come and go do as such. I think even as a writer, putting out my work and having to wait for approval or disapproval still gets to me, but that fear is only temporary. My karmic tarot reading echoed that today. When you’re under the rule of authoritarian guardians or an oppressive culture, questioning your own worth comes naturally, I think. So it feels very foreign to just be. It feels almost “illegal” to be who you are.
There’s a karmic pattern the oppressors need to recognize as well, but that’s not my responsibility. I need to focus on just being me, even if I express some things that will make the oppressive, authoritarian types lose their s**t. Not gonna lie, that’s certainly the motivation between “Autonomy Bleeds Black”.