The most ridiculous thing to ask of me is to stop rambling about my passions.
After such an intense year of repeated exposure of people, either famous or not, and their ugly under bellies, I expected that the people worship craze would decrease. How many Americans voted with the idea that “their saviors” will save a country so they won’t have to take any of the responsibility? How many celebrity personalities are still being defended by their fans when that person should be accountable for their actions? How many of our friends and family have been so emotionally manipulative in our lives that we surrender to it, thinking it’s the norm to have those people and their interactions with us define who we are? How long is this going to go on?
I think this kind of mentality varies between cultures, but overall, let’s stop surrendering the power we have, used to uncover and nurture our true selves, to influences that don’t really know or understand us. Let’s stop believing that our desire to give and support another is equivalent with a permanent contract, where you owe them your life forever.
Some people have the genuine heart to serve, and even they are aware of their dignity, exercising enough self-respect to know what to nurture in their life and what poisons to let go. People worship is one of those poisons. Know yourself and care for yourself so you can care for others in a way that helps you maintain your autonomy. I believe you would love so much in life with abandon if you cultivated this.
Why These Native Americans Observe A National Day of Mourning Each Thanksgiving – [Video & History Study]
I’ll allow the video to speak for itself. Please don’t feign ignorance on this day if you’re American. Don’t ignore history. Take time to learn whose land you’re on.
The most ridiculous thing to ask of me is to stop rambling about my passions.
First and foremost, I found classical lofi and I love it. Second, I’ve accepted that my writing and creative career is being accomplished in chaotic baby steps. I make small achievements on a daily basis, I think, but thanks to the mental health issues I have, sometimes I forget that daily progress. There’s a lot … Continue reading Classical Lofi and Honest Chaos – [Just Me/Video]
This week has been so stressful and confusing that I forgot to promo the release of my cover song.
Well, shit. Lol. Give me a day or two to get things sorted.
To be honest, I think it’s hilarious that I picked the most stressful November (for the Americans anyway) to give this challenge a go for the first time. My experience has been a juggle between caring for my mental health and simply enjoying the writing process. Distractions and interruptions have been abundant and when my mind gets too exhausted from pushing them away, all it wants to do is escape with a video game or book because my mind is too tired to plot a story. I’m having to be incredibly patient and constantly remind myself how important this is to me.
The progress I’ve made so far is significant. I won’t give up.
Comment below and tell me how your experience is going if you’re taking on the challenge and if you’re a fellow writer who isn’t writing a novel, do you have any tips to ward off stress during a writing session? I would love some pointers. (Yes, I’ve already tried take a break from or delete social media.)
I didn’t really notice the Mercury in Scorpio retrograde energy until yesterday and I could only express how the energy messed with me in a silly Tumblr post.
Yeah, so that happened and the relief from perfectionism just from the academic aspect has bled into the music aspect as well. I’m so freaking close to releasing this new cover song and already planning the next one!
Sometimes a friend will ask me if Mercury retrograde is even a “real” thing. Usually I say it comes down to your belief and understanding of astrology, but if the retrograde energies don’t seem to affect you, then why worry?
If you’re into astrology and want to know What To Expect During Each Planetary Retrograde, click here. And you’re welcome 🙂 .
More on Astrology
I romanticized storms all my life, until I saw within myself a lightning strike shattering me. The fractals of my psyche flew out of reach. I felt their razor edges dig into the thinnest barriers of my consciousness, forcing me to scream, laugh, weep, rage, and die repeatedly. Those fractals seized my imagination at the … Continue reading Lightning Strike – [Stream of Consciousness Poem]
After such an intense year of repeated exposure of people, either famous or not, and their ugly under bellies, I expected that the people worship craze would decrease. How many Americans voted with the idea that “their saviors” will save a country so they won’t have to take any of the responsibility? How many celebrity … Continue reading Stop With The People Worship – [Just Me]
My cover of Love’s A Burden. Hope you enjoy and subscribe. Comment what you think below 🙂 Twitter/Instagram/Facebook/Tumblr: Authentikei Available on iTunes/Apple Music, Spotify, Tidal, TikTok, Amazon, GooglePlay, Deezer, Pandora, Twitch and more. Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0gpepcMMhXEGMh1UEdj9Uk Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/loves-a-burden-single/1538243561?uo=4&app=music&at=1001lry3&ct=dashboard
Sometimes I’ll listen to old music, whether I created it or it was composed by someone else, and just cry as I relive the negative emotions and false, illogical arguments as to why I wasn’t good enough or as good as them. Then I relive the memories of a broken mind and more broken heart pushing others away simultaneously with and without the intention to do so. Splitting is what they call it…
While I continue to pick up the pieces, I remember that I want nothing more than to prove my past self wrong and prove those who hurt me wrong. I’m good enough. This is my life’s work. I can do this. I’m going to do this.
So being self-employed means wearing so many hats and I’m still trying to get the hang of all that I need to do and all that I want to do… but I’m happy doing it. I really miss sharing my music though. It’s just taking so much time…
My cover song hit a bit of a snag but that’s okay. I think I’ll be able to finish my next poetry reading soon. I miss releasing music so much. When my depression reached its peak in 2016 and swallowed me whole, I missed making music the most. Unfortunately, I self-destructed and deleted everything I posted in the past. It was just silly cover songs from anime, video games, and other shows I liked. Honestly, I might bring some of them back because they were building into something for me and I’m sad that I sabotaged the opportunity to see what it could have been.
I won’t give up this time around.
I hope you’re doing well. If you’re a creative like me, you better not give up either.
I got to travel out of town after months of staying in my home and it was so, so, so fantastic! Experiences with friends and observing different spaces inspired me so much. This pandemic…this year, really, has been depriving us from certain things one way or another, hasn’t it? I’m grateful for those of us who prioritize safety and care for others during this time because that will bring us all a step closer to experiencing the world in person again. I’m also grateful for the interconnectedness the internet gives us too, but virtual reality is not reality. Many of us are past expecting things to “go back to normal”, accepting that new cycles come and old ways pass on. The changes have been difficult to adapt to, but I must agree that the “new normal” is making so many of us embrace being more realistic, pragmatic, and open. We’re letting go of expectation and convenience to enhance our autonomy even when it challenges the status quo or makes closed-minded people erupt over what and who they can’t control.
We are learning the difference between being confident and being self-righteous. We are learning the difference between having conviction and being entitled. We are learning to be authentically bold rather than complacent or compliant. It’s a necessary development full of loss, heartache, and separation. As you pursue your truth, you will let go of what is false to you and lose far more than you expected or ever wanted. It’s amazing how expensive developing the true self is.
There was so much to take care of this week and the weekend was nothing but studying and organizing things for work. I’m exhausted, but I feel very grounded and fulfilled. Sunday’s are my rest days, so I’ll be fine by tomorrow.
The time I’ve taken to organize things for Authentikei has made it easier for me to produce more content between my studies, but organization doesn’t mean I have to be super rigid with myself. Still disciplined but…you know, I’m not going to beat myself up over missing some things. Just adapt and move forward. If you’re a perfectionist or a fan of dark academia (they go hand-in-hand really), you understand how hard it is to just “adapt”. I don’t know if I’m just an academia snob or a psycho perfectionist, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m harshly critiquing the curriculum of my professors. Maybe it’s projection, but I’m pretty sure I know the difference between a class that just wants you to memorize everything versus a class that wants to apply what you’ve learned. No, it’s not because I’m doing poorly in the classes. I’m not doing bad at all and I’m absolutely in love with the content of all of my classes. I can’t wait to share how they’ve inspired me to do more psychoanalytic literary criticisms. In due time, I guess.
Anyway, I’m sorry my blog posts have been few and far between, but I am semi-active social media wise and look forward to sharing my poetry readings and more. I hope you all are doing well and staying safe and empowered.
The delusions surrounding are endless. Layer after layer of “I have to do this” and “I need to do that” when it’s all really a choice in the end, my choice.
To recalibrate, I remind myself that it’s not about what I should or have or need to do, but what I want to do. Responsibility is only efficient if you’re working towards an achievement you genuinely desire.
All I want is to be, to speak, be heard, to create, be seen. That only requires a gentle and persistent attentiveness to the soul.
Over this exhausting week, I took moments to praise past creations I was hesitant to share. I’ve decided to follow through with exposing them again, rekindling my music and my poetry.
The research for my dark fantasy novel series has led to a nonfiction book idea actually. It was unexpected, but I think it was a necessary concept that can be manifested into a kind of “guide for creative spirits” thing. All things in time though.
Self-trust and being grounded is so important for me right now. I want to share how refocusing on those two things over and over again is such an excellent anchor that we tend to let go of when distractions occur. I recently listened to the podcast What in the Wyrd by Kelley Harrell, which is basically about life lessons we can attain from the elder futhark aka the Nordic runes used for divination and other magical uses. The most recent episode discussed accountability and soul tending relating to the rune thurisaz, which is all about how there are many types of powers that want to survive. Depending on the power, the extent at which we try to keep that power alive can be out of desperation or integrity or whatever. That also depends on how efficient our soul tending is. Going back to my point, self-trust and being grounded keeps one’s inner power alive and burning, but sometimes us creatives forget that.
I write, I create, and I am because I’m aspiring to stop straying away from myself and forgetting my power to the point that it ends up dying. I don’t want to go back there. Never again.