It’s so important to have just one day completely stress free, but that’s not easy…like ever. Considering that many of us have been “grinding” so to speak either in the workforce or in school most of our lives, we can’t just say, “I’m relaxing now,” and boom! You’re chill AF.
That’s not life. That’s not the brain. Giving ourselves a moment to pause and just be has to be a practice, just as grinding the day away was sort of a practice, albeit we were all sort of thrust into that life via social norms.
Many of us know that our calendar is pagan. Depending on your perspective, you probably have noticed nordic, roman, and other influences. Sunday and “Moon”day start our week and I heard that those are the days that should really be your “weekend” because Sunday is for energizing yourself and Monday should be to nurture yourself since those are the classic associations with the sun and the moon. I have to admit, I’ve been living my weeks like this for most of this year and it’s been nice. Though I do wish most of my days could be as relaxing as today was. Like I said, calming ourselves is a practice. Sometimes the momentum of Tuesday through the rest of the week take me on a wild ride with Thursday being my new hump day and Saturday being my Friday. I do my best to reflect on how my week went on Saturdays so I can decide what is and isn’t working. Honestly, I don’t think I catch everything. The “grind” mentality is really hard to squash. I’m sure some people will say they like having that sort of grind-drive each day, but as someone who is neurodivergent and anxiety-ridden sometimes, the grind is overstimulating and burnout triggers depressive symptoms. I hate it.
At least today was wonderful. I’m proud of myself.
Also, I’m on the fence about completing the autumn post challenge lol…It’s not as fun as I thought it was.
Decorate your house for Autumn/Halloween – show us pics of your decor.
Well what a coincidence. I was at the Spirit Halloween store recently looking for a fleece throw, but I couldn’t find any. Instead I found a bird’s skull and an iron key I want to use as a door knocker for decor and blogging purposes because I was excited to share what I got. Anyway, the pursuit of the throw went on. Hot Topic had plenty of anime throws and I wanted none of them (I’m very picky with anime merch). Then I went to Spencers and voila! A throw that I could live with was there. It has a print of the major arcana The Moon on one side and this beautiful moon and star design on the other. I also got a seated/back pillow to help me with working at home. It’s been doing wonders for my back so far.
And I guess I might as well admit that the midst of decor shopping involved some impulsive purchases, live gloves, nails, socks, and a single magnet.
Prompt: How to make your home cosy this Autumn – share with us what we can do to transition our home from cool Summer to warm Autumn. Prompts by The Life of Dee.
For me, it’s about comfort and ambience. Blankets, cardigans, hoodies, and sweaters are a must. Candles have to be the right size so they last for the season. For smells, whether it be candles, incense, or oils, my favorites are the earthiest, like cypress and cedar wood, but I also like lavender, sandalwood, amber, vanilla, frankincense, blood orange, and apple/pumpkin spice whatever (which I think I like more as a scent than I do a drink).
To add to the cozy, a good amount of LoFi playlists will do the trick. Here’s a Halloween one I found the other day.
Is this another way of saying, “Am I a workaholic?” I’m not sure. I do think it’s weird that I don’t feel well when I’m not working in a stressful environment or that I’m not really working if I’m not stressed. That’s the kind of mentality the dark academia fandom bonds over, actually. It’s a weird, toxic thing.
I did a tarot reading on this and it turns out that the normalization of burnout and stress is very hard to decondition yourself from (I know that’s not very profound, but it just hit me this sh*t is deeper than I thought…). Abandoning calm and comfort while working is one of those things we as a society just decided to agree on? I was even advised to make sure I work at a desk so it feels like work (since the majority of my work is done at home) and that my bed should be for rest only… Nah. I love working in bed. I love that I can do my studies and my writing in the most comfortable place in my home. I’m only up and about for photoshoots and music recording. Shouldn’t that be enough? Does professionalism and career building have to be a suffocating experience? Does the daily grind really benefit me if I feel worthless and depressed when I’m not working myself to death? I’m pretty sure we each have our own work-life balance that works best for us, but sometimes mine feels…I honestly don’t know how to describe it.
I think the rigidity of Western work ethic is very unsettling. Why does it thrive on compounding on societal pressures? Does it also thrive on brainwashing me into thinking what I do will never be enough? How dumb… How scary…
I’m following this blog post list by The Life of Dee because I miss blogging. Let’s see if I can do this every day for October.
Day 1: Ultimate cosy night in – what are the essentials for having a cosy night in?
Before answering, just need to say I had no idea cozy was spelled with an “s” in the UK lol. Weird.
My coziest nights are with a cup of lavender/chamomile tea with honey, french vanilla cream, and a few drops of Valerian Poppy Supreme, an herbal supplement made by Gaia Herbs that’s a complete anxiety extinguisher for me. Sometimes I’ll dip oatmeal cookies in the tea. I like curling up in bed with several blankets and my stuffed baby snow owl (his name is Algernon). If I’m not watching a reality show or drama with a supernatural twist, I’m having a movie marathon of psychological thrillers. Sometimes I’ll watch GameGrumps if I need to laugh. If I’m not in the mood to watch anything, I’m reading or listening to Parcast podcasts (Cults is my favorite), an audiobook, something on Chilling Tales for Dark Nights, or a podcast about writers talking about writing, science, philosophy, or goth subculture shit. I also like listening to dark/heavy ambience, lofi, fantasy ambience, classical music, dark academia playlists, forest/nature ambience, video game soundtracks, or a good thunderstorm. I like having my lava lamp on during the night and like to light incense or use my aroma diffuser (I like cypress, lavender, and cedarwood). Sometimes I’ll smoke mugwort and rose petals (also good for anxiety).
My brain became 80% capitalist and 20% artist unintentionally. I hyper-focused on creating a product and marketing it as soon as possible. I had tunnel vision on profit. Although there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a profit as an artist (we have to eat and all that), I internalized boss bitchiness and turned my drive for success inward. I put myself under too much pressure. I stopped forgiving myself for mistakes. I stressed myself out. Didn’t even notice until I was low-key miserable.
The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily or mental and spiritual
John Stuart Mill – On Liberty
I’m happy to make a quiet return to blogging and sharing the progress of my creative projects. I’ve been bursting with a lot of ideas, but also trying to slow down so I can focus on one idea or project at a time. Lately, I’ve been thinking about governance for the sake of worldbuilding for my dark fantasy novel and short story series. Exploring the philosophies behind various political agendas led me to think about what freedom truly means. As an American, I can admit that my country feeds the illusion of freedom and we reinforce that narrative with the way we treat one another’s individualized issues with prejudice, apathy, ignorance, and insecurity. We do this explicitly and implicitly, often not knowing which is which. It’s no surprise that feeding an illusion will inevitably make you delusional if you’re not grounded with some kind of autonomy and self-trust. Returning to my writing, my thoughts and feelings about governance and the microcosm of its power found in our interactions with friends and family have been braided into my work. I’m just realizing this now as an American who has particular privileges and faces particular acts of oppression, and yet is struggling to believe that I’m free. The narratives about freedom fed to me as a child and the narratives fed to me today are so flimsy, yet build a harsh friction between my pursuit of living a free and fulfilling life because I’m not obeying the narratives; I can never be free the “right” way.
I took a few weeks off of social media and thoroughly enjoyed it. I remembered when social media came out when I was a teenager, I think, and didn’t even care about joining it until I heard that Amy Lee from Evanescence made a Twitter account (lol!). Many people phrase the use of social media as being flooded by too much information at once, which I agree with. We’re not flooded just by information, but also many personal narratives from people we don’t even know. Those who are opinionated and have strong personalities seem to dominate as icons and influencers in their relative niches. For a while I thought I wanted that, but the cost of having that kind of status also challenges what freedom is. I don’t like the pressure that comes with meeting the expectations of others nor surrendering the majority of my energy to staying in contact and interacting with people from many walks of life on a daily basis. Lol, I can barely handle going to the grocery store maneuvering around people and sometimes having to talk to them (#firstworldproblems). So taking this break from social media helped me to find the balance I need when it comes to loving all the chaos that is the internet and making sure I’m grounded enough to create. I’ve decided I’m going to continue spending less time on social media and use it for marketing purposes for the most part.
I call myself a mystic and creative spirit as the sub-headline of Authentikei, but I should just put “nocturnal antisocial hermit”. I’m happiest when I’m alone and creating, but when I do share more of my writing, my music, and more, I’ll happily engage with you and others because I’m also at my happiest when I find kindred souls who fancy the dark side. I’ve accepted that I’m a hermit and that to maintain this freedom, I have to be responsible enough to preserve my health, which is what freedom currently means to me, but I’m a hermit who is grateful for the online and real-life communities that resonate with me as they’re wonderful reminders that I’m not and never will be alone. As the proper guardian of my health, this is my choice and I’ll do whatever’s necessary to preserve this sacred freedom. Perhaps that sounds dramatic in regards to social media, but I can’t emphasize how important it is to me to make sure my time and energy is no longer commanded by the people who are apathetic and ignorant of my needs. I believe every creative spirit has that right.
Thank you for your time. Also, I wanted to share the philosophy video from Academy of Ideas that inspired this post.