It’s strange that there are so many people out there who offer tips and tutorials about writing, myself included, and often forget that writing is an art and art is the language of the soul. Since no soul is perfect, there is a perseveration in the writing community over great writing techniques and all we wish to do is take that to heart and sharpen our craft, but I want to propose, or rather remind those who may have forgotten, that we never ignore our imperfections and remember that they are the guiding force to our artistic spirit. A writer’s vulnerability builds a successful career with ease.
I really hate it when I disappear for a week or so at a time and I am sorry for that. It really comes down to the way my energy has been distributed. The part-time job (which really is a measely 4-5 hours 3 times a week) drains me. And it’s not necessarily the job itself, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a high sensitivity to how and where I give my energy. I find it’s very similar to how introverts are drained by people and extroverts are drained by loneliness, but for me it’s being drained combined with a lack of fulfillment.
Yesterday, I gave myself a rest day. I decided to read more of The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova and came across a passage that reminded me of the major arcana “The World” in tarot, which then led to an idea about my own novel and that led to a quick study into Christian gnosticism, which then inspired a backstory for my antagonist and protragonist. I could spend an entire day diving into literature, history, religion, philosophy, and any other river of knowledge because it literally quenches the thirst I need for feeling fulfilled.
As I wrote on my tumblr, this is all I am. I consider my “art” basically anything I write, compose, sing, draw, or any creative project I get into. Everything else is self-explanatory. I can’t handle being caged in like it seems at the moment. But I’m not caged. I have plenty of resources that I am and should be using to build the life I want (and really, it’s a life I already have; I’m just building upon it every day). Just need to take my own advice from my article, “The ‘Lack Mentality’ is Killing Us” :
“None of us like being inconsiderate with our resources or insensitive to those who are trying to support us, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. The lack mentality encourages the emptiness that no one asked for. It’s just there. One thing to remember is that the emptiness you struggle with developed over time. This means, decreasing that emptiness will happen over time…Stop expecting the resources and support given to provide instant gratification,”Authentikei, 2018
So, each time I go to the part-time job and decide to work more and more hours there instead of trusting myself to provide my own income through my work, that emptiness expands a little more. The mental and emotional fatigue comes from feeling hollow and uninspired. I plan to change that and use every resource to do so. It will take patience, because it won’t be instant, but I’m so damn sure it’ll be worth it. Financial responsibility and dream building is a tough tug-of-war for many of us, but you certainly feel more alive when you let the dreams win. We forget sometimes that our dreams can manifest into a real lifestyle that monetizes itself.
For those who read and check up on me, thank you for the support. You’ll hear more of my work very, very soon.
There are so many delusions out there that want us to believe that certain experiences, especially healing and success, can be achieved instantly. I’m not saying some instantaneous things happen in life, but too many of us think that the lack of an instantaneous event is a type of curse or punishment for whatever reason. The development of gaining any kind of achievement is a process; I like to call it practice.
Reminding myself that I am in a state of practice is an encouraging way to remain teachable. Being teachable also increased my gratitude for the resources that mentor me by simply existing. My practice is a natural patience that helps me to progress towards my achievements and give me time to appreciate where I am in the present moment. This practice isn’t always a peaceful flow (which is obvious because without disruption in life, what’s the point?) and I’m grateful for the unknown elements and the unexpected obstacles. Well, I’m not instantly grateful. I get irritated still. I rant and rave. I jump on a social media platform and express frustration or make it into a poem, song, short story, etc. and that’s when it happens. In the friction of my frustration with the obstacle and the unknown, I create a spectacular new opportunity for myself. That is inspiration and acting on that inspiration is a practice.
Practice is not about perfection. The unknown and unexpected make things wonderfully messy and bring disastrous intrigue that make my heart race and my mind fluster. I anchor myself with a pen on paper, my finger gliding over a keyboard, a graphite pencil on a sketchbook, or with sound soaring from my throat. The practice is merging these instantaneous inspirations into long-term investments. Manifestation.
I adore being in a state of practice. It gives me permission to be human and just bleed.
Took a step back. Grounded myself. Remembered how much art fuels me in every single way to live proudly.
Just wanted to say that…because sometimes I forget. I focus so much on the career and financial part of everything I am doing (because I’m determined to make a living off of being a writer/musician) and then I forget about just living my truth, the law of abundance, and all the other things involving manifestation.
Everything I do comes together and the results are in abundance and I’m happy I can share that with others.
This is about my recent stream of consciousness piece, “Elemental Magic – Earth“
I’ve been studying Earth’s associations in life for a long while. Many sources had similar answers so eventually I decided to describe what Earth represented in my own way. I think what I loved most about writing this was being focused on life and death; those two things are truly tangible, inevitable truths all of us witness and will experience. She is our first and last teacher.
I’ve had an eventful day of circumstances that demanded responsibility and calm today (I want to blame Mercury retrograde, but I can’t). I contemplate the concepts of gain and loss when days like these happen. They’re both elements of change that can summon uncertainty, thrill, maybe anxiety. I think overall they’re just a given in life and many of us take an ample amount of effort towards fearing it. I know. I’m one of them.
My last post was about hiding and choosing not to hide anymore. This means I will inevitably gain and lose more. Every choice causes this strange ripple effect echoing throughout everything. We overthink that a lot, but as I’ve made some new decisions that are out of my comfort zone, I’m trying to step up to those universal echoes by addressing my strengths and weaknesses in each wave of change. How often are we encouraged to have a negative reaction about something that we actually have the power to handle? How often are we encouraged to complain or stress unnecessarily? I still want to be human and show fear, panic, joy, excitement, happiness, anger, and the like when it arises in me and I don’t want to be ashamed of my personality when those emotions pop up either; but, I do want to remember my dignity and strength in the storm of my feelings. I want to focus on remembering that that is my power. It’s why I write. It’s why I paint. It’s why I create music. It’s why I’m an artist. Who I am is enough to handle the circumstances of life. With that in mind, I must remember that as I go after what I love, I will have the strength to handle the loss and hopefully develop the humility to welcome and learn from what is gained.
Believe it or not, this was inspired by watching How To Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World lol! It was a great movie; a great series, ultimately.