I got to travel out of town after months of staying in my home and it was so, so, so fantastic! Experiences with friends and observing different spaces inspired me so much. This pandemic…this year, really, has been depriving us from certain things one way or another, hasn’t it? I’m grateful for those of us who prioritize safety and care for others during this time because that will bring us all a step closer to experiencing the world in person again. I’m also grateful for the interconnectedness the internet gives us too, but virtual reality is not reality. Many of us are past expecting things to “go back to normal”, accepting that new cycles come and old ways pass on. The changes have been difficult to adapt to, but I must agree that the “new normal” is making so many of us embrace being more realistic, pragmatic, and open. We’re letting go of expectation and convenience to enhance our autonomy even when it challenges the status quo or makes closed-minded people erupt over what and who they can’t control.
We are learning the difference between being confident and being self-righteous. We are learning the difference between having conviction and being entitled. We are learning to be authentically bold rather than complacent or compliant. It’s a necessary development full of loss, heartache, and separation. As you pursue your truth, you will let go of what is false to you and lose far more than you expected or ever wanted. It’s amazing how expensive developing the true self is.
Lately, I’ve been battling these intrusive thoughts I have about people. I think those of us with mild social anxiety tend to allow our personal realities orbit around the perceptions of others, even when we don’t agree with them. I guess I could even chalk that up to how I was raised. Even when you disagreed and expressed how you really feel, you’re shut down by your parent or some other authority figure, because that was the law. No voice. Just compliance. What a toxic trap to fall into and get comfortable with.
Today, there are so many of my opinions and views I keep to myself especially around family, but I challenge myself to be more outspoken around friends and on my art platform of course because it’s out of my comfort zone not just to speak up, but to also be heard. What words I know would fall on deaf ears in my family or in other social circles I save to scream through a poem, song, essay, research article, digital painting, and more. Being so determined to be heard is so out of my comfort zone, as well as listening to others who resonate on the same mental and emotional wavelength as me. The more I’ve done this, the less I’m worried about being “found out” by the family or whoever else has nothing better to do than be judgmental of my non-conforming essence. Leaving the toxic comfort zone I grew up in has made it easier to breathe.
As an American witnessing many different viewpoints and influences rise in this country, revolutionary and otherwise, it’s now more important than ever to know where you stand, not necessarily to feed into the “us vs. them” dynamic, but to establish a sense of self as many different types of influences try to wash over us like a tidal wave. Stand tall in your truth and live it.
Do you ever catch yourself trying to gain the approval of others? I consider that to be a bad habit of mine. There’s nothing I need to prove and trying to make people understand where I’m coming from can be such a drag. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who don’t try to get […]
Prompt via The Life of Dee: Autumnal crafts for toddlers – give us ideas on what our little ones could make this season. I don’t have children. I’m not crafty. I wasn’t even allowed to do autumn crafts because when you’re raised by Christian parents, they think everything is a gateway to Satan. So I […]
It’s so important to have just one day completely stress free, but that’s not easy…like ever. Considering that many of us have been “grinding” so to speak either in the workforce or in school most of our lives, we can’t just say, “I’m relaxing now,” and boom! You’re chill AF. That’s not life. That’s not […]
Wow, I am… I want to say I’m “exhausted”, but really I’m proud. There were moments of emotional adversity within the previous week. I survived it. Sometimes it’s weird to look back at a past moment that previously would’ve led to a more explosive result. I’ve been practicing ignoring things more, which I shared on Instagram.
One of the reasons why I’m pursuing psychology is to address the function or desire behind emotional manipulation. It’s amazing how far a person will go to convince you that you should be submitting to a higher power, an authoritarian figure, or even that person in order to have betterment in your life. It’s salesmanship, really. Lol, really petty salesmanship.
As I pursue my psychology degree, I look forward to a deeper plunge into the almost ridiculous ways a human will take to feel validated. It’s not like the desire for validation is bad. Validation in itself, I think, it’s very natural. I’d be a hypocrite for saying the opposite, especially as a writer/artist. I just feel that the way we pursue validation through means of force, manipulation, and otherwise is not just astounding, but also contradictory. That’s just my opinion though. I hope to expand upon that later in the future through more publications and art.
I ran into this video on TikTok by GaryVee and the message was really neat.
Validation is a very tricky scenario. There are elements of what validation is in my prose poem Earth Magic; where how you grow up and who you’re around influences the way you feel about yourself. When we seek validation, there’s always that great risk of not being grounded; your roots end up being pulled one way and the other then you end up not having any foundation. Being uprooted from any situation can be traumatizing, the precursor to an existential crisis. Unfortunately, the solution we’re introduced to for the pain and uncertainty is seeking more validation even though that may have been what uprooted us in the first place. We depend on external sources to confirm or deny who we are and simultaneously mistrust our internal sources, our intuition, our self-esteem, our ability to self-reflect.
Internal and external conflict is such a powerful tool in writing because it’s so human. An inner monologue could contrast what other events are happening around the character, which brings suspense and tension. We go through this all the time. What’s going on within isn’t in alignment with what’s going on around us. The popular kids Garyvee talked about may have not aligned with the pressure that comes with popularity, but they would ignore or repress what’s going on internally to continue being fed the validation externally. Validation like this can be very problematic psychologically, but there’s another side to validation that is much more fulfilling.
Many people think inner peace is a façade because it appears to be near impossible. So why even try to achieve it? I think inner peace at its core is an acceptance of the internal and external tensions along with an acceptance of what can and can’t be controlled. Validation from others is something that you feed. If you want validation from your parents, you’ll feed it by doing whatever they tell you to do or what you think they’d expect from you. If you want validation from peers and coworkers, you will change your behavior or even hide your true behavior. The energy put into feeding the influence validation has on you can be shifted to validation of the self that eventually finds the external sources that are in alignment with who you are. This can happen with even small things, like personal interests; I don’t like mainstream pop music, but if I want validation from peers who like mainstream pop, I’ll listen to it until my ears bleed. The truth is, I like rock and heavy metal. The peers who like mainstream pop may no longer be in alignment with me because of my interests, but now they know who I am and they’ll either want to understand me more or distance themselves. Either way, I now have the opportunity to connect with fellow metal heads and we can now garner a reciprocal validation, but even if validation from the metal heads doesn’t happen, my love for metal will be enough for me. I accept I can’t control my peers or other metal heads; I can control what I listen to and can chose to enjoy it as much as I want.
Validation has a close association with “liking” or “loving” something or someone. That’s why I think it’s a tricky concept that is best simplified when you focus on self-acceptance first and go from there. That way, you’ll never be in poverty even if “likes” become an actual currency. This is what “grounding” really is.
There’s a Black Mirror episode about this. It’s called “Nosedive”, season three, episode one. Please watch it. It’s perfect.
Here it is. A list of the best starter crystals and gemstones that can help with opening up chakras. If you fancy crystal healing as a way to get you in the mentality for better self-care, I hope this helps.