One thing we empaths seem to have in common is that we attract narcissists. In the past I would’ve said that attracting and keeping the narcissistic, manipulative, emotionally draining people in my life wasn’t intentional, but I’m not sure how true that really was.

October is my shadow work month where I get really f**king real with myself, so I’m going to share a little reflection with you. Sometimes us empaths attract the people who are absolutely nothing like us or find them to be mildly or extremely attractive because they have character traits we’re missing.

Narcissists are disgustingly charming.

We know it. We hate it. BUT let’s just pause for a moment and think about where they get the charm from. They aren’t pushovers. They exude a ridiculous amount of confidence and charisma. Depending on where they are on the NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) spectrum and if they’re not completely lost in their grandiosity, they can be incredibly intelligent and apply their intellect to get nearly anything they want. Their level of confidence and the strength of the boundaries they set can be admirable to an empath.

We’re so used to being open that we rarely balance our openness to others with time for ourselves (and everyone’s balance is different, by the way. That’s realized as you learn more about yourself). And let’s not forget that the reason why narcissists can be attracted to you isn’t all about empaths being “an easy target” because your sensitivity and compassion seem easy to exploit to them, but it’s also because they know they’re missing that ability to connect with others genuinely and are so incredibly shallow once their farce of a persona is exposed.

However, there is no need for us to succumb to the cycle of being seduced and then escaping the narcissist over and over again. We need to recognize the areas in our life that are lacking sufficient boundaries. Empaths have trouble with boundaries due to the fact that we’re so naturally open and have a natural insight that is praised by others, so why would we shut that down? Dare I say, we may hide a the part of ourselves where our insightful abilities can be used to pry into the inner truths of others and manipulate them as we wish. But we’re not “bad” people because we do that…right? We’re not like the narcissists who manipulate people and ignore their conscience deliberately…Well…if we’re invading the emotional or psychic boundaries of others are we any different?

I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I promise. I believe Deborah has the same intention not to guilt trip anyone, but to address that common and vicious cycle of the empath-narcissist dichotomy.

Deborah, aka The Peculiar Daughter on YouTube, discusses her own shadow self, how it’s linked to her empath ability, how being an empath attracted narcissistic people, and how she put an end to that. Comment below what you think. I think there are many of us who go through this and perpetuate their pain rather than pursue their power. I admit that I’m one of them and am grateful for Deborah’s insights.


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If you’re one of those people who says, “I’m fine,” rather than expressing how you really feel when someone asks “What’s wrong?” odds are you were raised to tolerate emotional negligence and shamed or guilt tripped for expressing your true feelings because your parents didn’t want to deal with you. I’m just saying, we’re all flawed. If certain people in your life have chosen to neglect your feelings (especially family), be responsible for your feelings: set boundaries, talk to someone who cares, vent in a healthy way, deescalate, ground yourself, and most importantly, DO NOT criticize yourself for being human. The way others treat you does not define your worth, but your emotions are still your responsibility.

I’ve said “I’m fine” too many times. Even to myself, by myself. Many of those were a lie. No more lying for the convenience of others or lying to ourselves. No more.

So the term “empath” has been overused lately and I’m worried it’s starting to lose its significance due to how desensitized people are to emotion and showing sympathy towards others. Sympathy and empathy are not exactly the same, but are closely related. In addition, those who are skeptical about the power of emotion elevating to a psychic level have flagged the term “empath” as another way to con people with phenomena we can’t explain yet. However, there are empaths who experience the emotions of others so strongly that it does elevate to physical pain. It’s not at all the same as being offended or “being too emotional”, even though empaths are known for their heightened sensitivity.

I wrote about how all empaths have the potential for psychic empowerment for the sake of informing other empaths who either want to explore the psychic avenue or start finding ways to ground themselves. Whether they want to believe in psychic abilities or not, skepticism will not encourage an empath to understand what’s happening to them. In fact, they’ll just feel more ostracized and be ridiculed for “trying to be special”.

Being an empath has helped me with so many creative projects and build better relationships. I certainly don’t see myself as special, superior, or victimized by my nature. Empathic abilities show how vulnerability is power and I simply don’t want us to forget that. Please read my article if you’re a fellow empath that needs some advice or would like to just feel less alone. All we can do is be who we are.