I just wanted to share this video from the YouTube Channel The School of Life. It’s called “5 Ways to Spot Emotional Immaturity” and I cant express how important that is during these changing times where we’re finally facing what is and isn’t important in our lives. Keep emotionally immature people out of the conversation.
If you’re one of those people who says, “I’m fine,” rather than expressing how you really feel when someone asks “What’s wrong?” odds are you were raised to tolerate emotional negligence and shamed or guilt tripped for expressing your true feelings because your parents didn’t want to deal with you. I’m just saying, we’re all flawed. If certain people in your life have chosen to neglect your feelings (especially family), be responsible for your feelings: set boundaries, talk to someone who cares, vent in a healthy way, deescalate, ground yourself, and most importantly, DO NOT criticize yourself for being human. The way others treat you does not define your worth, but your emotions are still your responsibility.
I’ve said “I’m fine” too many times. Even to myself, by myself. Many of those were a lie. No more lying for the convenience of others or lying to ourselves. No more.
In the past, I have burdened myself with future outcomes, whether they’re hypothetical or have a high probability of happening and this has only brought distress in my life. It became so apparent that I think like this that other people exploited it to have me do what they wanted rather than have my best interest at heart. It’s heartbreaking to me how competitive our society can be. It’s admirable to have resilience and enough self-control to reach achievements and all, but it should be pointed out more often that our need for validation from others or the things we have is basically asking them to manhandle us with puppet strings. What’s even worse is that this kind of behavior is reinforced constantly, encouraging us to let shallow outsiders or materialistic means determine our worth.
Image source: pixpoetry on Unsplash
Being an empath isn’t unique, but it seems we’re few and far between being surrounded by people who are taught to suppress their true feelings. We treasure the freedom of sensing the truth, listening to our intuition, and just knowing. It’s really awesome, but depending on our personality, this ability can become a burden leading to a mental breakdown and worse.
I believe there are four key things an empath or hypersensitive personality needs to learn to prevent a mental breakdown in the works. Some of us develop personality disorders, mood disorders, and the like because we weren’t taught how to handle an overstimulation of the senses. I’m hoping after you read this, you’ll realize that not only are you not alone, but that there’s also hope.
People holding onto expectations in a changing world to the point where they break or submit to delusion is what makes me saddest about everything that’s going on and because I know what that’s like. I hope I’m getting better at staying in the present and trusting my adaptability and awareness, but naturally it wavers because life throws curve balls, quick jabs, and many other surprise attacks that land right in my gut. I’ve learned that in that wavering, that panic, that’s the exact moment you need to be more real with yourself and the situation. Reflection and revelation is so key here, but old habits are tempting, I know. Old coping mechanisms are tempting too. Usually what is “old” is the desire for that familiar sense of control. Change is paradoxically the opposite and the epitome of control. You realize things beyond your control and then do what you can to stabilize again. In the midst of that paradox, I think recognizing the paradox itself helps and may prevent us from the delusions of absolute powerlessness and absolutely control. This really isn’t the time to see in black and white. This is the time to realize and trust your multifaceted self and the multifaceted reality. It seems chaotic until it’s not.
For example, I posted earlier and even today on other platforms about the harmfulness of the racist/xenophobic actions and words, but I have accepted that there are people who will be apathetic to the hate or justify their reasons for doing what they want. I can’t control them, but I can set the boundary, I can stand up for what I believe in, I can block bitches whenever I want lol and I can adapt to the results of my choices. The people who do things that anger me do not have power over my character. Emotional responses to people and what they do are human. At the end of the day, they made choices, I respond to those choices with my own choices, then things happen. Reflection happens. We process the experience and we go on. That’s just life. So, even though I’m sad that some expectations are breeding false hope and pain, I know it’s a part of life and so they’re going to live their way and I’ll live mine.
I had some mental health issues and a cold to deal with last week, so I disappeared. I’m a lot better now and am ready to get back on track. Being in bed gave me time to think about how to publish my upcoming short story. Self-publishing looks like the way to go considering it’s too long to submit to most magazines and too short for any publishing house to consider. I’ll let you know what platforms the story will be published on, Kindle Direct Publishing being a definite one.
It was aggravating having a cold while wanting to write and edit the story so badly. It means so much to me. I took the Kafkaesque approach in a more personal direction where I reflected more on Kafka’s life and my own life rather than focusing on the Kafkaesque genre as it’s known (but it still has the basic elements). That’s why I’ve been so enthusiastic about having it be my first published story. It will open the door to another new project where more music will finally be released.
There’s been a lot of chaos in the world, some of it warrants panic and some of it doesn’t. Art and the forced solitude without art kept me grounded in a strange way. I hope the rest of you stay grounded too. What I love about Kafka the most is his ability to make some sense of the bizarre, even though he’d often conclude to a state of powerlessness, the surrender to that revelation ironically empowered him as a writer. When chaotic or bizarre situations consume us and our environments, we often want to anchor ourselves in a place of control so we can stand our ground and brace the storm, but some of us get carried away by the momentum of the situation and we interpret that as a failure way too often. Change happens. Chaos is constant. Sometimes you have to go with the flow to relearn how to stand your ground. Change is just experience, not a complete loss of power, but of course, there’s still loss.
As someone who struggles with mental health almost constantly, I promise you I’m not trying to make this sound easy.
Be well and wash your hands. My heart goes out to all who are dealing with changes beyond their control.
So the term “empath” has been overused lately and I’m worried it’s starting to lose its significance due to how desensitized people are to emotion and showing sympathy towards others. Sympathy and empathy are not exactly the same, but are closely related. In addition, those who are skeptical about the power of emotion elevating to a psychic level have flagged the term “empath” as another way to con people with phenomena we can’t explain yet. However, there are empaths who experience the emotions of others so strongly that it does elevate to physical pain. It’s not at all the same as being offended or “being too emotional”, even though empaths are known for their heightened sensitivity.
I wrote about how all empaths have the potential for psychic empowerment for the sake of informing other empaths who either want to explore the psychic avenue or start finding ways to ground themselves. Whether they want to believe in psychic abilities or not, skepticism will not encourage an empath to understand what’s happening to them. In fact, they’ll just feel more ostracized and be ridiculed for “trying to be special”.
Being an empath has helped me with so many creative projects and build better relationships. I certainly don’t see myself as special, superior, or victimized by my nature. Empathic abilities show how vulnerability is power and I simply don’t want us to forget that. Please read my article if you’re a fellow empath that needs some advice or would like to just feel less alone. All we can do is be who we are.
I really hate it when I disappear for a week or so at a time and I am sorry for that. It really comes down to the way my energy has been distributed. The part-time job (which really is a measely 4-5 hours 3 times a week) drains me. And it’s not necessarily the job itself, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a high sensitivity to how and where I give my energy. I find it’s very similar to how introverts are drained by people and extroverts are drained by loneliness, but for me it’s being drained combined with a lack of fulfillment.
Yesterday, I gave myself a rest day. I decided to read more of The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova and came across a passage that reminded me of the major arcana “The World” in tarot, which then led to an idea about my own novel and that led to a quick study into Christian gnosticism, which then inspired a backstory for my antagonist and protragonist. I could spend an entire day diving into literature, history, religion, philosophy, and any other river of knowledge because it literally quenches the thirst I need for feeling fulfilled.
As I wrote on my tumblr, this is all I am. I consider my “art” basically anything I write, compose, sing, draw, or any creative project I get into. Everything else is self-explanatory. I can’t handle being caged in like it seems at the moment. But I’m not caged. I have plenty of resources that I am and should be using to build the life I want (and really, it’s a life I already have; I’m just building upon it every day). Just need to take my own advice from my article, “The ‘Lack Mentality’ is Killing Us” :
“None of us like being inconsiderate with our resources or insensitive to those who are trying to support us, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. The lack mentality encourages the emptiness that no one asked for. It’s just there. One thing to remember is that the emptiness you struggle with developed over time. This means, decreasing that emptiness will happen over time…Stop expecting the resources and support given to provide instant gratification,”Authentikei, 2018
So, each time I go to the part-time job and decide to work more and more hours there instead of trusting myself to provide my own income through my work, that emptiness expands a little more. The mental and emotional fatigue comes from feeling hollow and uninspired. I plan to change that and use every resource to do so. It will take patience, because it won’t be instant, but I’m so damn sure it’ll be worth it. Financial responsibility and dream building is a tough tug-of-war for many of us, but you certainly feel more alive when you let the dreams win. We forget sometimes that our dreams can manifest into a real lifestyle that monetizes itself.
For those who read and check up on me, thank you for the support. You’ll hear more of my work very, very soon.
If you’re like me, maybe you had a history of shutting down your emotions. Perhaps you have a history of having your true feelings invalidated by those closest to you; a long, long history of emotional neglect. There’s power in emotional that can only be felt to be understood and I truly believe the most artistic souls are the ones who embody that because they break out and use that power to fight for what they lost long ago in that horrid history of emotional neglect.
It’s a blessing simultaneously, awakening us to an empowering reality that can also be very painful to process. That power can transform into a sickness that is so unique it seems incurable, yet it’s cleverly hiding the truth: it IS the cure.
I’m calling to you, my fellow goth and emo kids. It’s okay to feel alive and I promise you there’s nothing more thrilling than taking back your power through artistic means. Channel your emotional retaliation through shock, through awe, through horror, through beauty. Express yourself. Be alive. Stay alive.
Image: Exorcism possessed by Melissa Smith Photography
Edit 11/25/2019: A few of those earlier sentences didn’t make sense before lol fixed them now. Sorry about that.
Rage writing is when something angers you so much, you grab the writing method closest to you and start creating a story based on the event that you’re pissed at.
It’s good fun, yes, but I find it most fulfilling when I reread what I’ve created and reflected upon the theme later. The reflection makes the ending and details in between very clear and solidifies the theme.
Rage writing is also a great way to make sure you write more frequently, have a healthy outlet for your emotion, and process that anger. I’m not saying you’ll turn out being a better person than you were before or that you should try to write a happy ending to your rage-written story; but I am saying, at least for myself, that this is a satisfactory method of expression and it’s going to feel damn good to publish it in time.