There was so much to take care of this week and the weekend was nothing but studying and organizing things for work. I’m exhausted, but I feel very grounded and fulfilled. Sunday’s are my rest days, so I’ll be fine by tomorrow.
The time I’ve taken to organize things for Authentikei has made it easier for me to produce more content between my studies, but organization doesn’t mean I have to be super rigid with myself. Still disciplined but…you know, I’m not going to beat myself up over missing some things. Just adapt and move forward. If you’re a perfectionist or a fan of dark academia (they go hand-in-hand really), you understand how hard it is to just “adapt”. I don’t know if I’m just an academia snob or a psycho perfectionist, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m harshly critiquing the curriculum of my professors. Maybe it’s projection, but I’m pretty sure I know the difference between a class that just wants you to memorize everything versus a class that wants to apply what you’ve learned. No, it’s not because I’m doing poorly in the classes. I’m not doing bad at all and I’m absolutely in love with the content of all of my classes. I can’t wait to share how they’ve inspired me to do more psychoanalytic literary criticisms. In due time, I guess.
Anyway, I’m sorry my blog posts have been few and far between, but I am semi-active social media wise and look forward to sharing my poetry readings and more. I hope you all are doing well and staying safe and empowered.
The delusions surrounding are endless. Layer after layer of “I have to do this” and “I need to do that” when it’s all really a choice in the end, my choice.
To recalibrate, I remind myself that it’s not about what I should or have or need to do, but what I want to do. Responsibility is only efficient if you’re working towards an achievement you genuinely desire.
All I want is to be, to speak, be heard, to create, be seen. That only requires a gentle and persistent attentiveness to the soul.
Over this exhausting week, I took moments to praise past creations I was hesitant to share. I’ve decided to follow through with exposing them again, rekindling my music and my poetry.
The research for my dark fantasy novel series has led to a nonfiction book idea actually. It was unexpected, but I think it was a necessary concept that can be manifested into a kind of “guide for creative spirits” thing. All things in time though.
Self-trust and being grounded is so important for me right now. I want to share how refocusing on those two things over and over again is such an excellent anchor that we tend to let go of when distractions occur. I recently listened to the podcast What in the Wyrd by Kelley Harrell, which is basically about life lessons we can attain from the elder futhark aka the Nordic runes used for divination and other magical uses. The most recent episode discussed accountability and soul tending relating to the rune thurisaz, which is all about how there are many types of powers that want to survive. Depending on the power, the extent at which we try to keep that power alive can be out of desperation or integrity or whatever. That also depends on how efficient our soul tending is. Going back to my point, self-trust and being grounded keeps one’s inner power alive and burning, but sometimes us creatives forget that.
I write, I create, and I am because I’m aspiring to stop straying away from myself and forgetting my power to the point that it ends up dying. I don’t want to go back there. Never again.