First and foremost, I found classical lofi and I love it.
Second, I’ve accepted that my writing and creative career is being accomplished in chaotic baby steps. I make small achievements on a daily basis, I think, but thanks to the mental health issues I have, sometimes I forget that daily progress. There’s a lot about my mind that I’m still learning. What I have learned has completely disrupted every single one of my schedules. NaNoWriMo? Only lasted a few days. Poetry reading? Nearly forgot it existed. Psychology degree? Who cares. Eating healthy? Why?
Yeah. It got that bad and then some. It happens though. Actually, this is what my entire life has always been like and when I look back at how my literal hurricane brain somehow achieved previous goals, I’m impressed and baffled really. When my hurricane brain goes full throttle, I beat myself up about it and that is currently a hard habit to break. I long for structure when it comes to my life goals, even though I am a lover of chaos because it inspires me. I guess I have to accept that there’s a method to my madness now. Even my therapist told me I’m trying to force structure on things that aren’t needed, and my rebuttal was, “Dude, it’s my career though,” and my therapist replied with, “Sounds like you need a partner/help,” which I laugh at because who in their right mind would be able to handle me? I can’t even handle me…I know there are those crazy agents out there who are willing to help artists of all sorts promote themselves and their insanity, but I can’t really imagine anyone like that for myself. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but, you know…If it happens, it happens.
So yeah, that’s me currently. I’m going to continue understanding myself, grounding myself, and when another creative project is completed, I’ll let you know.
The most recent completion is finally releasing my cover of “Love’s A Burden” by the metal symphonic band Beyond The Black. It’s a dark electronic wonder and I love it. Many thanks if you listen and subscribe to my YouTube. If you don’t have YouTube in your country, I will upload the video on the website soon. You can find the music on Spotify, Tidal, Apple Music, GooglePlay and other digital music distributors.
First and foremost, I found classical lofi and I love it. Second, I’ve accepted that my writing and creative career is being accomplished in chaotic baby steps. I make small achievements on a daily basis, I think, but thanks to the mental health issues I have, sometimes I forget that daily progress. There’s a lot … Continue reading Classical Lofi and Honest Chaos – [Just Me/Video]
So being self-employed means wearing so many hats and I’m still trying to get the hang of all that I need to do and all that I want to do… but I’m happy doing it. I really miss sharing my music though. It’s just taking so much time…
My cover song hit a bit of a snag but that’s okay. I think I’ll be able to finish my next poetry reading soon. I miss releasing music so much. When my depression reached its peak in 2016 and swallowed me whole, I missed making music the most. Unfortunately, I self-destructed and deleted everything I posted in the past. It was just silly cover songs from anime, video games, and other shows I liked. Honestly, I might bring some of them back because they were building into something for me and I’m sad that I sabotaged the opportunity to see what it could have been.
I won’t give up this time around.
I hope you’re doing well. If you’re a creative like me, you better not give up either.
The lack of blogging and writing is due to getting closer and closer to finishing a poetry reading and a cover song that was put off long ago. I tend to rotate between my creative projects, so when the music buzz hit, I jumped right on it and I’m really grateful for the breakthroughs I’ve made. However, I don’t like going radio silent either with my blogging or Vocal articles, but I guess you can’t do everything at once right? In a perfect world, I could work on all of my projects, get my schoolwork done, and still have time to relax afterwards, haha.
I hope you all are well and I’ll let you know when the projects are done. I will be posting videos on my YouTube channel, but for my readers who can’t use YouTube, I’ll see if WordPress or another video player is available to embed.
I got to travel out of town after months of staying in my home and it was so, so, so fantastic! Experiences with friends and observing different spaces inspired me so much. This pandemic…this year, really, has been depriving us from certain things one way or another, hasn’t it? I’m grateful for those of us who prioritize safety and care for others during this time because that will bring us all a step closer to experiencing the world in person again. I’m also grateful for the interconnectedness the internet gives us too, but virtual reality is not reality. Many of us are past expecting things to “go back to normal”, accepting that new cycles come and old ways pass on. The changes have been difficult to adapt to, but I must agree that the “new normal” is making so many of us embrace being more realistic, pragmatic, and open. We’re letting go of expectation and convenience to enhance our autonomy even when it challenges the status quo or makes closed-minded people erupt over what and who they can’t control.
We are learning the difference between being confident and being self-righteous. We are learning the difference between having conviction and being entitled. We are learning to be authentically bold rather than complacent or compliant. It’s a necessary development full of loss, heartache, and separation. As you pursue your truth, you will let go of what is false to you and lose far more than you expected or ever wanted. It’s amazing how expensive developing the true self is.
So, in my last VPD entry, I realized the blunder I made regarding my first draft and why it’s been difficult writing the second draft and recording my progress (basically, it’s hard to record your progress when you’re not making much progress). This hasn’t exactly put VPD to a complete halt, but I need to pause so I can figure out how to better track my work as a novelist via the articles. I’m also taking time to find more resources that will help me during this stage of my writing because VPD is also meant to share helpful writer resources and/or writing advice too. I don’t want the VPD to be about nothing, so I’m taking a step back.
As I do that, I’ve decided to do work on a poetry reading of “A Plea to Death” and will upload it to my YouTube channel. Please subscribe if you’re interested. There is already one poetry reading available.
So, I dedicated this week to working on updates with my horror short “Autonomy Bleeds Black”, which is why I haven’t uploaded a VPD or blogged much of anything else this week. I knew I had to give the horror short some time to make sure my marketing is successful and that my dream of my short stories becoming movies becomes possible.
However, I miss the crap out of my novel! I’m going to work on it today and write a VPD as well as share my other ones. I guess this is the risk of having more than one writing project. Have you ever had this feeling though? Where you miss the world and characters you created? It’s gotten to the point where I have designed playlists for my characters with Spotify when I want to think about them (it’s very fun!). I honestly love this feeling and can’t wait to get back on track.
Also, I started the audiobook called Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. Have you read it? I absolutely love it so far. It’s definitely a must for artists of all types who need inspiration or encouragement, especially if you’re a poet.
Wow, I am… I want to say I’m “exhausted”, but really I’m proud. There were moments of emotional adversity within the previous week. I survived it. Sometimes it’s weird to look back at a past moment that previously would’ve led to a more explosive result. I’ve been practicing ignoring things more, which I shared on Instagram.
One of the reasons why I’m pursuing psychology is to address the function or desire behind emotional manipulation. It’s amazing how far a person will go to convince you that you should be submitting to a higher power, an authoritarian figure, or even that person in order to have betterment in your life. It’s salesmanship, really. Lol, really petty salesmanship.
As I pursue my psychology degree, I look forward to a deeper plunge into the almost ridiculous ways a human will take to feel validated. It’s not like the desire for validation is bad. Validation in itself, I think, it’s very natural. I’d be a hypocrite for saying the opposite, especially as a writer/artist. I just feel that the way we pursue validation through means of force, manipulation, and otherwise is not just astounding, but also contradictory. That’s just my opinion though. I hope to expand upon that later in the future through more publications and art.
I had some flooding in my place earlier this week and that required most of my attention. Meanwhile, I’ve received some positive feedback on my new astrology article “What To Expect During Each Retrograde” and I am so grateful.
Half of the day will be a catch up day for me, meaning more posts are coming. I hope all of you are staying healthy and making smart choices. Since my week was a bit stressful, the best thing I could do was take a step back for a few days and now I feel more rejuvenated.