This isn’t necessarily because of the recent turmoil that has happened in the US for the last several years, although these years definitely encouraged me to leave whenever I can, but this feeling is what I’ve wanted since I was a child.
Traveling has always been exciting to me. I don’t want to travel as some tourist, however. I want a real adventure that dives into the histories of the world. Basically, I want to be Lara Croft or Indiana Jones lol but hopefully without the action-packed fight scenes (my reflexes just aren’t that good). Fortunately I had the privilege to travel a lot within America, but even more privileged to visit Japan, South Korea, France, and Spain. All of my trips were wonderful and I guess I’m really craving more.
I’ve been discouraged by the American parochialism, or rather trapped inside of it. America is going through incredible changes right now, which is going to require many of us to change whether we like or not. That’s why I think it’s important to travel so you’re not stuck within the boundaries of a stagnant philosophy or a belief system that doesn’t align with your truth. Being immersed in one culture for too long can cement you in an unproductive state of mind. I’m determined to not let that happened.
I’d rather learn from a spectrum of philosophies than drown in one. Really all I want to experience and an expansiveness of my consciousness. I am an artist and I need experience to create. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m starved for adventure. I need it to understand the purpose of my creations because ultimately, I’m the one who decides what my purpose is right?
“I’d rather write one good book than ten mediocre ones.” – Donna Tartt
I’m finding that deadlines are bittersweet. They’re motivating, but I strongly feel that anything I create must be made to the best of my ability and I trust in my ability to make high quality work. I’m not striving for perfection as an artist; I’m striving for excellence. I want nothing more than progression and every publication to be a milestone in that progress.
With that being said, I’m eager for the near completion of my short story and the projects to follow. I’m also grateful for the time I’ve had to take care of myself and a very productive week. I hope anyone reading this is staying safe and trusting themselves to strive for excellence too with the time and power they have. Be patient with yourself.
Beyond The Black is a german symphonic metal band that I really like. I don’t have a badass metal band at the moment, so I’m going to do my own take on “Love’s A Burden” with sort of a gothic electronica twist, since it is one of the few songs that isn’t heavy and I don’t have to feel too pressured.
Follow me on Instagram for more updates on my progress.
How I Did Cover Songs In The Past
So, in 2014, I actually had a channel called “Keiko Artz” where I would do cover songs (mostly anime intros, songs from movies, or songs from video games lol). When I nearly lost my battle with clinical depression in 2016, I deleted the channel and all my old songs off of YouTube and removed it from stores (well some songs might be up somewhere lol). The songs are still saved on my computer and there are some I would like to share again, but I’ll need to record them over. But when I had them up, I had them accompanied with (very amateur-ish) digital art. I was still learning how to draw then and it was incredibly difficult to have enough confidence in myself to complete a work and keep it up there. Well, three years later, I’m back into drawing again and I’m determined to keep creating. So, if you stay in touch, I hope you’ll support me. Like I said before, on Instagram I show my progress. The final result will be on my YouTube Channel and on my blog of course :).
On my welcome page, I wrote that my novel takes priority. It certainly does. It’s everything. Sometimes life circumstances try to convince you that your everything is nothing, that there are more important things to address than your fantastical ideas. Art is such a battle, though I truly believe it’s such a glorious, introspective experience where I can take the time to understand myself and be relieved from all the life circumstances that convince me to censor myself. Those circumstances that implore that ignoring them is too great of a risk, that I should be safe.
Because art is a battle, it isn’t safe and never will be. Art is pure vulnerability, which can transform into terror or freedom depending on how powerful your fear is. There’s that 50/50 tug-of-war going on: The first fifty says “What if you share your work and this happens?” and the other fifty says “What if you never share your work and this happens?” Circumstance. Consequence. Chaos. I am so torn by risk, but I am so thrilled by the challenge. I’m in a position where I must bet on myself or bet on a system that may or may not take care of me. I know for a fact that if the system doesn’t have art or doesn’t let me create art, I’ll die. I’ve idealized death too many times to go there again. That was another risk. Another circumstance. Another chaotic instance of thrill and torment, but at least in art that torment tears me to pieces that I can reassemble and make into a new creation. Art provides rebirth beyond death or circumstance or consequence. Art is one of those immortal mediums that I’ve chosen to surrender to, so why shouldn’t I just fall and see if my masterpieces catch me or blow wind under me so I can fly as high as possible, see the big picture, and remember what I’m living for?
Risk as a writer is a dive into first-person narration where your perception is limited, but choices must be made. What I should take from my current risks as a writer, as an artist, is remembering that any choice I make will make me reborn. The chaos is beyond my control, but during the rebirth the least I can do is dance in the storm since all this experience I’ve gained has made me strong enough to brace myself for the storm’s blow or flow with its currents and absorb the unknown. This is what art has taught me. It’s not a “no risk, no reward” situation; the risk is the reward.
I’ve had an eventful day of circumstances that demanded responsibility and calm today (I want to blame Mercury retrograde, but I can’t). I contemplate the concepts of gain and loss when days like these happen. They’re both elements of change that can summon uncertainty, thrill, maybe anxiety. I think overall they’re just a given in life and many of us take an ample amount of effort towards fearing it. I know. I’m one of them.
My last post was about hiding and choosing not to hide anymore. This means I will inevitably gain and lose more. Every choice causes this strange ripple effect echoing throughout everything. We overthink that a lot, but as I’ve made some new decisions that are out of my comfort zone, I’m trying to step up to those universal echoes by addressing my strengths and weaknesses in each wave of change. How often are we encouraged to have a negative reaction about something that we actually have the power to handle? How often are we encouraged to complain or stress unnecessarily? I still want to be human and show fear, panic, joy, excitement, happiness, anger, and the like when it arises in me and I don’t want to be ashamed of my personality when those emotions pop up either; but, I do want to remember my dignity and strength in the storm of my feelings. I want to focus on remembering that that is my power. It’s why I write. It’s why I paint. It’s why I create music. It’s why I’m an artist. Who I am is enough to handle the circumstances of life. With that in mind, I must remember that as I go after what I love, I will have the strength to handle the loss and hopefully develop the humility to welcome and learn from what is gained.
Believe it or not, this was inspired by watching How To Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World lol! It was a great movie; a great series, ultimately.