I have a good foundation to build on…now it’s just time to build.

My mission is to have a platform where we are encouraged to think more critically about life; where we prioritize our personal philosophies, strive for self-fulfillment, and be in harmony with the truth of reality rather than be passive to our self-destructive acts. Art, philosophy, and metaphysics are the foundation for this mission with an emphasis on understanding and mastering the self. After transforming the inner reality, we can change the external reality in honesty, integrity, and accountability.

Authentikei is based on the word authentic and the Japanese character “Kei”, which can mean “blessing”, “wise”, or “respect” depending on how it’s written (Japanese Kanji can have multiple meanings). It’s my artist title to remind myself to strive for authenticity for the sake of respecting myself and always being in a state of mastery. This is what I want to promote through my own creative projects and become influential enough to encourage others to do the same, but, of course, they’re encouraged to be their own authentic self rather than an imitation. More than anything, understanding the truth of one’s uniqueness requires an acceptance for differences in perspective and how those differences may harmonize or clash. So, no false positivity.

I want to encourage a practical acceptance of reality where we act accordingly and not project our actions and thoughts on others thus pressuring them to reach an unreachable expectation. I hope we’ll become more familiar with our mistakes and flaws, give ourselves time to process the difficulties and pangs in life in our own healthy and productive ways. Philosophy and art can help with that more than anything, I feel. Metaphysics gets in the mix of that in particular ways.

So yeah, that’s my goal, or my brand rather. The next step is to keep building and nurturing the seeds I’ve already planted. Let’s see where it goes.

I highly recommend watching the documentary from BBC on photographer Nicolas Bruno, an artist who battles with sleep paralysis and transforms his nightmares into reality. The pieces shown on his Facebook Page and Instagram are absolutely captivating and I think for those of us who have endured sleep paralysis and questioned the mystery around it, you’ll experience an involuntary empathy. When I look at his work, the fear rumbles in my gut. It’s satisfying to see this because, once again, a brave artist reached out about an odd phenomena that many of us link to the supernatural. Now many more of us feel less alone. He’s even willing to contact others who have been through similar experiences.

I wrote an article on sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, and astral projection as part of my metaphysical research for my upcoming dark science fantasy novel. In the article, I discuss how science and medical studies say one thing about sleep paralysis, but I encourage that we’re not too quick to dismiss the supernatural experience that can mingle with sleep paralysis. After all, lucid dreaming and astral projection have overlapped as well, so what could be happening while your lucid dreaming is still going when you’re awake? In the documentary, Nicolas discusses how his upbringing influenced his view on the supernatural and his sleep paralysis.

One of my favorite elements of Nicolas’s photography is the use of water, which he mentions in the BBC documentary. From a PHLearn interview, he discusses his use of water as psychological symbolism:

“Water, to me, is the unconscious mind or the realm of sleep. Being above the water represents the conscious mind or wakefulness. A lot of my characters are halfway submerged, trapped between the worlds of being asleep or awake. Ominous figures and props protrude from the sleep realm, and the wakeful protagonists within the images generally are tormented or trying to escape. I enjoy depicting the play between the conscious/subconscious mind. The water can also symbolize the suffocating feeling within sleep paralysis, where it almost feels that you are drowning in your own bed.”

From “Transforming Nightmares Into Hauntingly Beautiful Works of Art with Nicolas Bruno” by Jennifer Berube, 2018

Please find Nicolas on his social media accounts and support his work. We need this type of art.

Creative projects like cover songs, writing my novel, or painting digitally or traditionally helps me with so many issues I have. Even blogging is becoming a beautiful outlet for me. I need to praise this because my social anxiety makes it damn near impossible to talk to anyone. I will talk with close friends, but those brief talks aren’t enough. There are greater depths in my psyche, the place where my internal screams echo eternally. Excuse the melodramatics, but that’s seriously what it’s like. I imagine it’s like that for many of us, but holy crap there are certain facets of my mind that only art and witchcraft can really tap into. Actually, witchcraft is another artistic vent for me. It is a craft after all.

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Any artistic vent is so empowering. I’m just gushing with gratefulness right now because many of us have this horrible, nasty habit of expecting the people who cross our paths to engage with our internal chaos and bring order, but how the hell can they when they have their own chaos to conquer, let alone their own lives? It’s so tough being told you’re not alone and that support is around you, but when reality hits, you have to face your chaos alone. The support may or may not be absent because it’s up to you to face it. GAH! Change! Change triggers my chaos and it’s so thrilling. I freaking posted this on Instagram today and this whole day I’ve been trying to take my own advice.

So perhaps what I’m struggling with, what’s fueling the chaos, is letting go of all this brain training that convinces me that change is something to fear and be intimidated by and if you’re not ready for what’s to come it is utterly and completely your fault. Nope. There’s nothing and no one to blame. Change is a powerful, constant force, but so am I. I need to chose to use my power, adapt, grow, transform, etc. and, simultaneously, learn to surrender.

Okay. Had to get that out. Thanks for reading. Learn tarot. It’s great.

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I’ve had an eventful day of circumstances that demanded responsibility and calm today (I want to blame Mercury retrograde, but I can’t). I contemplate the concepts of gain and loss when days like these happen. They’re both elements of change that can summon uncertainty, thrill, maybe anxiety. I think overall they’re just a given in life and many of us take an ample amount of effort towards fearing it. I know. I’m one of them.

My last post was about hiding and choosing not to hide anymore. This means I will inevitably gain and lose more. Every choice causes this strange ripple effect echoing throughout everything. We overthink that a lot, but as I’ve made some new decisions that are out of my comfort zone, I’m trying to step up to those universal echoes by addressing my strengths and weaknesses in each wave of change. How often are we encouraged to have a negative reaction about something that we actually have the power to handle? How often are we encouraged to complain or stress unnecessarily? I still want to be human and show fear, panic, joy, excitement, happiness, anger, and the like when it arises in me and I don’t want to be ashamed of my personality when those emotions pop up either; but, I do want to remember my dignity and strength in the storm of my feelings. I want to focus on remembering that that is my power. It’s why I write. It’s why I paint. It’s why I create music. It’s why I’m an artist. Who I am is enough to handle the circumstances of life. With that in mind, I must remember that as I go after what I love, I will have the strength to handle the loss and hopefully develop the humility to welcome and learn from what is gained.

Believe it or not, this was inspired by watching How To Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World lol! It was a great movie; a great series, ultimately.

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