During my meditations this week, I accepted an important sacrifice I had to make. Sacrifice is strange to me. Sometimes I go out of the way trying to find a way where I can get everything I want without losing anything. I try to strategize, work around the way people perceive me, hoping I can get what I want from them in the end. That’s not going to work this time. One day, they’ll know. 

One day my family, who I love dearly, will know what I do in life. They’ll see for themselves that their Christian views aren’t as valuable to me when it comes to my career and lifestyle. They’ll see that animism, paganism, the occult, world religions, philosophies, history, science, the arts and more are my passions in life. For so long I feared they would see me as anti-Protestant Christian and use that as an excuse to abandon me. I desperately didn’t want that since they’ve done a lot for me and I want to offer my gratitude. It turns out I can definitely live my life how I want and still have them in my wonderful life. They’re the ones who make it wonderful actually. They inspire me tremendously because they are always teaching me even when I disagree with them, even when their words make sense or when their words hurt, and definitely when they show me their passion for their faith and their god. Their god is not mine and I’ve accepted they will put their god before me and others in many, if not all, instances. I thought that meant abandonment, but actually, according to their faith, it means they’ll love me more.

“Home” is Where The Art Is

TikTok: @amyoverthinks

So what am I sacrificing exactly? The notion that people will always abandon me? No…Abandonment happens. Separation happens. People make their choices and sometimes that means you can’t walk with them through the consequences of those choices. Loss happens. You can’t control everything. You can’t make someone care about you, control the way they see you, force them to believe what you believe. I’m sacrificing the perception of myself that thinks I can’t survive if my family sees who I really am and what my life is dedicated to, which is mysticism and the arts. Not only am I incredibly proud of my life path, but I feel more dignified when I remember my life, my power, and my purpose belong to me and only me; expressing the exploration of my life, power, and purpose, is done through my art. I love my family and because of that love, I don’t fear them. I forgive myself for perceiving them as figures in my life that wanted to tear me down, when they’ve consistently lifted me up, albeit with the hopes that I’ll become a dutiful Christian like them. If I can accept that I can survive whatever their response is to my life’s work, I believe they’ll come to accept what they can’t control as well: my will.

This was a long time coming, but I think this epiphany has to be one of the most important ones of my life. Many of us artists struggle with having a lack of support from family, whether it be in the form of disapproval or apathy. The amount of willpower it takes to sacrifice the internal battle of trying to be yourself while also making others happy is an incredible amount. Doesn’t everybody talk about that? Everyone says,”Just be yourself,” when we also know there are only a select few who accept you or maybe come close to accepting you. What’s most important is accepting ourselves. Another cliche, but it’s fucking true. We must accept who we are if we’re ever going to summon the willpower to live our life as we want to. It makes whatever consequence you suspect you’ll confront as an opportunity to trust yourself to make the best choice for yourself. As someone who advocates for autonomy and freedom, I must accept that I don’t want to put my energy into trying to make my family like me or understand me. I want to put my energy into my life’s work and, if I’m being frank, be rich enough to take care of my family and myself. I mean let’s be real here; when you start making money doing what you love, and I mean good money, your family probably won’t be that concerned about the how and why at first.

6 Ways To Cleanse and Empower Yourself

My life path number is 8, often called “The CEO” path. I kept doubting whether that really matched my desires and ambitions for a good portion of my life. I’m not doubting anymore. With the acceptance of the self comes purpose and with a sense of purpose comes will. I’m too determined to be worried about disapproval. The game is on.

L.

The Lack Mentality Is Killing Us

I just published a prose poem on the fire element. Please read.

Fire introduced himself as the fuel for survival and a slow killer. I thought thinking of his slow burns made my teeth chatter not realizing the cold surrounding was the chill of fear. I admired his trickster ways and wanted to learn from him, while I hid in the cold without knowing why.

When we met, I learned he and I were bipolar. The closer you get, the more you realize our true power. That scares people. Hell, it scared me. I was so afraid, I feared everything I touched when he proudly burned inside me, the purification singeing away the conditioning that convinced me he wasn’t safe. I wasn’t sure if this conditioning was my fault or if my psyche was programmed to never know the word “bravery”, but only saw its definition when he burned brightly in other souls and I obeyed my conditioning to see him as a sin I should never touch.

Read the rest of the poem here…

I felt it too. There’s a balance in play right now to make it so the light and dark are not only balanced, but also cooperating. We’ve neglected the cycle of life, death, and rebirth for too long now. We won’t let certain traditions die and let new things grow. We won’t give innovation and change a chance because we’re told it’s a terrifying process that no one is strong enough to handle. You can’t “love and light” your way out of this change. Love is in darkness too; a nurturing love that sees your truest, rawest self and takes in every iota of who you are with acceptance. Your inner truth is in the darkness; your deepest secrets are in the darkness; your greatest passions are in the darkness. Your nature started in the dark, in the womb, and when you were fully grown you were born. As you live now, you’re going through cycles of being born and reborn in different ways, but we’re encouraged to shame the times of needed rest or letting go of something that no longer serves us. Change and the unknown can be frightening, but exploring the unknown, the mysteries that dominate in the dark, is necessary and healing.

The energy we’re feeling right now exists to encourage intuition and self-trust. The darkness eclipsing the full moon is the perfect visual example of the light of the full moon resonating while navigating in the dark. Although this lunar eclipse was partial, it must’ve still been a beautiful thing to witness. Now we can identify with it. You have the power to get through your own darkness and the darkness surrounding. The darkness isn’t an “evil” thing that you should be ashamed of. Darkness and light become evil if one chooses to make it so. Your shadow is who you are and understanding ALL of who you are is what allows you to be free. That’s when you’ll shine.

That may sound paradoxical because The Dark Goddess often is…