This one truly resonates with my soul. Enjoy.

L.

First and foremost, I found classical lofi and I love it.

Second, I’ve accepted that my writing and creative career is being accomplished in chaotic baby steps. I make small achievements on a daily basis, I think, but thanks to the mental health issues I have, sometimes I forget that daily progress. There’s a lot about my mind that I’m still learning. What I have learned has completely disrupted every single one of my schedules. NaNoWriMo? Only lasted a few days. Poetry reading? Nearly forgot it existed. Psychology degree? Who cares. Eating healthy? Why?

Yeah. It got that bad and then some. It happens though. Actually, this is what my entire life has always been like and when I look back at how my literal hurricane brain somehow achieved previous goals, I’m impressed and baffled really. When my hurricane brain goes full throttle, I beat myself up about it and that is currently a hard habit to break. I long for structure when it comes to my life goals, even though I am a lover of chaos because it inspires me. I guess I have to accept that there’s a method to my madness now. Even my therapist told me I’m trying to force structure on things that aren’t needed, and my rebuttal was, “Dude, it’s my career though,” and my therapist replied with, “Sounds like you need a partner/help,” which I laugh at because who in their right mind would be able to handle me? I can’t even handle me…I know there are those crazy agents out there who are willing to help artists of all sorts promote themselves and their insanity, but I can’t really imagine anyone like that for myself. That doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but, you know…If it happens, it happens.

So yeah, that’s me currently. I’m going to continue understanding myself, grounding myself, and when another creative project is completed, I’ll let you know.

The most recent completion is finally releasing my cover of “Love’s A Burden” by the metal symphonic band Beyond The Black. It’s a dark electronic wonder and I love it. Many thanks if you listen and subscribe to my YouTube. If you don’t have YouTube in your country, I will upload the video on the website soon. You can find the music on Spotify, Tidal, Apple Music, GooglePlay and other digital music distributors.

photo of woman carrying a cardboard

No Justice, No Peace – [News/Website Update]

The page that was once “Stand Up – BLM/LGBTQ+” is now No Justice, No Peace, which provides resources, volunteer/donation opportunities, and more regarding the institutional and system prejudices being perpetuated in the USA. The page has been updated to include the Stop Asian Hate movement. I will soon be adding sources regarding how you can […]

My cover of Love’s A Burden. Hope you enjoy and subscribe.

Comment what you think below 🙂

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Available on iTunes/Apple Music, Spotify, Tidal, TikTok, Amazon, GooglePlay, Deezer, Pandora, Twitch and more.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0gpepcMMhXEGMh1UEdj9Uk

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/loves-a-burden-single/1538243561?uo=4&app=music&at=1001lry3&ct=dashboard

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sometimes I’ll listen to old music, whether I created it or it was composed by someone else, and just cry as I relive the negative emotions and false, illogical arguments as to why I wasn’t good enough or as good as them. Then I relive the memories of a broken mind and more broken heart pushing others away simultaneously with and without the intention to do so. Splitting is what they call it…

While I continue to pick up the pieces, I remember that I want nothing more than to prove my past self wrong and prove those who hurt me wrong. I’m good enough. This is my life’s work. I can do this. I’m going to do this.

I’m starting a Mystic Music Mondays. Every Monday, I’d like to show you 5 new bands/groups that I like because music like this is helping me keep my f**king sanity moderately stable. I discovered some music last week while listening to a Communion After Dark video and just wanted to share my favorites.

Basszilla

Disclaimer: The music video below has brief nudity.

We’re starting with BASSZILLA, described as a EDM/progressive house/complextro project from Germany. I never knew there was a music video for “Hell Rave”, but I love it. It plays on the a lot of the Satanic Panic junk that happened in the 80s. Even LaVey pops up. I can’t listen to this without dancing a little bit. The music was alluring in itself, but it was nice to find the video. It made me smile.

Do I have a migraine or do I just need to dance?

MONO INC.

Oh if only we could make this song the official goth anthem. The song “Children of the Dark” has lyrics many of us can relate to. MONO INC. is a German Gothic Metal band. Apparently, “MONO is a derivative of Monomania, a term from the 19th century psychiatric disease theory, a form of partial insanity conceived as single pathological preoccupation in an otherwise sound mind,” (Wikipedia).

MONDTRÄUME

Mondträume is a Spanish dark synthpop group with melodies that have become ecstasy for me. When I heard them on Communion After Dark, I listened to just them for a good part of the evening, so it’s safe to say they’re pretty addicting and inspiring.

Rotersand

I found yet another German electronic group, but Rotersand is more industrial pop. The song I ran into, “Waiting to be Born” had me at the faint choir in the background. That just always gets me. The video below shows the singer on a boat with a reassuring message in “Not Alone”.

Mendel / Mendel bij de Leij

I stumbled upon this epicness in the Spotify Playlist “Instrumental Madness” and feel so honored to have been graced with Mendel. Just…holy f**k please just listen to “Descending Upon Hades”. Mendel is a rock/metal guitarist from the Netherlands (but probably a god in disguise, idk).

The whole album is probably going to be my new painting music, so I’m just going to leave the playlist here.

Hope you liked my discoveries for this Mystical Music Monday! Anyone you recommend? Leave a comment below.

source: Metal Hammer 21 May 2020 Trees Of Eternity’s Aleah Starbridge is remembered through a gorgeous new lyric video By Jonathan Selzer (Metal …

Trees Of Eternity’s Aleah Starbridge is remembered through a gorgeous new lyric video

If you’re a funeral doom fan, you’ve probably heard of Trees of Eternity. This was the first funeral doom band I fell in love with and it was sad to hear of Aleah’s passing. It’s heartwarming this tribute was made to her.

So Vocal Media is having a challenge for Vocal Creators like me called “Behind the Beat” where we write about a song that changed our lives. I wrote about “Home” by Three Days Grace and ultimately it was a bittersweet experience, but so very awesome. Here’s the beginning:

The perfect parent doesn’t exist. There will never be a guardian with flawless parenting or the supernatural sense of knowing exactly what their children need all the time. However, every parent and child will come to experience the bittersweet fact of life called pain. Pain echoes in the hearts of the emotionally neglected with a perfect resonance that could bond them or break them. It transforms our relationships with one another and our relationship with life. That echo has reverberated for generations. In my time, the echo thrust into me through the song “Home” by Three Days Grace and it not only woke me to the pain I didn’t understand or know how to express, but also acted as my personal catalyst for self-expression and retrospection through the arts and friendship.

Click here to read the rest.

I promised myself I’d work on music this weekend and actually share what I’m working on. I made a TikTok as a way of sort of “vlogging” about it. I have done some singing and piano playing on there if you’re interested in following. My username is authentikei.

But guys…holy shit, I forgot how terrifying it was to record myself while I sing and play. My hands started shaking as I shared the video. My singing lost its confidence with each passing moment. I had to take a break. I forgot how much I wanted to be a musician. I mean, I already am one, but to share my art…holy shit. It was so terrifying. The videos aren’t even that spectacular. I wanted to keep it simple just to figure out the app, how well the audio works, etc…

Just…

Holy shit. What a beautiful terror. It’s a blessing to have so many ways to express myself, but music has always been my primary. Doing this almost led to a panic attack. It’s so strange and familiar. I’m going to keep going, even while trembling.