A Joke I Wanted to Share (via Tumblr)

It’s just too good not to share. Consider yourself infected lol.

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Thank you for 50 Followers on WordPress

Quick shoutout to the followers that can handle my ramblings, appreciate my literary research, and are slowly learning how intense and insane my imagination is. Much love. ❤

First Draft Progress – 24 Days Until Deadline

I’m exhausted.

No words were written, but many thoughts danced around.

Slow day, slow mind.

Listening to poetry helped, along with watching one of my favorite Netflix series with writer eyes and addressing my unconscious when the day went on so goddamn slow that silence forced us to have a conversation. It was a good one. She knew more about transpersonal chakras than I did.

I need to read The Egyptian Book of the Dead for the novel. The novel also needs me to play more chess.

I’m tired. I want to blame astrology, but that doesn’t relieve any fatigue. A nap might.

When an author adjusts a character’s dialogue based on their accent does it annoy the reader? I’ve read Trainspotting, so I kind of get it…but…I don’t know. I gradually became less annoyed and learned more about language. I don’t know.

Typos – A Poem For Writers Who Get It

They’re a thing.

They happen.

They’re survivable,

yet

embarrassing.

It’s the equivalent

of shooting yourself in the foot,

bleeding all over the floor,

but still walking around,

limping even,

and not processing the pain for a long while,

too long,

until you stub your toe,

look down at your ridiculous foot

with a giant, gaping hole,

and see blood everywhere.

Then you wonder,

“How did I not know?”

You can go to the hospital for your foot,

but doctors won’t heal your dignity.

Ugh.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Processing Shame – Tarot/Oracle Reading

I’m inching closer and closer to meeting my creative goals and a little bit of terror creeps deeper in my psyche because I’m one of those people who fears success. I fear being excited and proud of myself because my reactions have been “too much” sometimes. I fear being happy for myself because there’s someone else who isn’t happy and I need to be there for them. I fear the pressure that comes subsequently after being in the spotlight because of a success. I fear that all the hypothetical stimuli, all the changes and events that could occur, after a success or failure will overwhelm me and cause a mental breakdown. Shame, was the best counter to my fears, so I thought. Instead, shame magnified all of that. It discouraged me from truly embracing the achievements I had made in life and simultaneously added fuel to the fire.

So let’s knock that shit off, said my spirit guides.

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I was told to meditate on a big fear today. Shame. The solution offered was fantastic and I’m going to expand more upon it on my blog (link in bio), but I wanted to summarize the foundational steps the Tao oracle deck gave me: ✅ Surrender: Submit to how you’re feeling. Acknowledge what you’re upset or ashamed about. ✅ Grounding: Neutralize the situation and reassure yourself. Don’t completely blame yourself or others; just address what’s happening and what you need to do to ground or calm yourself again. ✅ Be Your Own Sage: Although you’ll be tempted to recall past experiences this situation reminds you of, look through those memories with compassion. Think about what you can and can’t control. ✅Be Cautious: Shame and other emotionally exhausting situations will not heal in a day, a week, a month, etc. . Be patient with yourself as you try to apply what you’ve learned from the past to your present situation. Essentially, this teaches us to learn from our overwhelmingly negative situations rather than be ashamed of them. We can be accountable for our actions without beating ourselves down as if we don’t deserve redemption or forgiveness. Processing shame and fear takes time. Applying the experience you gain from that process helps prepare us for future situations and inspires us to face what was once too difficult to handle. I’ll go deeper into this on my blog here in a bit (link in bio). . . . #healing #unconsciousmind #shame #shadowwork #spirituality #spiritualawakening #spiritwork #oraclecards #tarotcards #divination #divinationcommunity #facingyourfears #motivation #healyourself #witch #witchesofinstagram

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Today, I spoke with the spirits about shame, my biggest fear and my favorite defense mechanism. I’m going to breakdown what I was told about shame during the reading. I used the Tao Oracle Deck, the Raider-Waite Tarot, and the Psychic Tarot Deck.

The Tao Oracle Cards

  • Surrender: Submit to how you’re feeling. Acknowledge what you’re upset or ashamed about. – It’s so habitual for us to bury whatever we’re feeling when shame comes around because we’re introduced to it early on. Repressing your emotions brings temporary relief and long-term emotional scars. To have a more functional relationship with the part of you that feels overwhelmed by shame, you need to acknowledge your own feelings. Express in your own way how you’re feeling to yourself.
  • Grounding: Neutralize the situation and reassure yourself. Don’t completely blame yourself or others; just address what’s happening and what you need to do to ground or calm yourself again. – Once you know how you’re feeling, discuss it as neutrally and honestly as possible. How are you feeling? I’m sad. I’m pissed. I’m depressed. I’m worried. I’m anxious. Why? Because [insert distressing situation here] is happening. Okay. What will help you calm down right now? I need to be alone. I need to cry. I need a friend. I need to hit something (inanimate). I need to scream. Really, I think the best part about grounding is just being as real as possible in the moment, preferably alone or with someone you trust and without brining physical harm to yourself or anyone else. Grounding is dropping that emotional baggage. Let that sh*t fall.
  • Be Your Own Sage: Although you’ll be tempted to recall past experiences this situation reminds you of, look through those memories with compassion. Think about what you can and can’t control. – So, most of the fury has passed, but the shame is still lingering. I think this is when the brain starts thinking up ideas on how to cope. If we let shame take the lead during this brainstorm session, we won’t look at our past coping mechanisms with compassion. We may repeat self-destructive tendencies or think of something new. Compassion for the self and others, however, counters shame. The three tarot cards at the bottom, the nine of swords (the situation), the ten of swords reversed (the action), and the page of cups (the outcome), revealed that my anxiety and despair (the nine of swords) isn’t permanent. It will eventually end (the ten of swords reversed). When I look back on how I recovered, it can inspire a greater revelation about my unconscious (page of cups) and if I choose to, I can trust that experience to help me move on and prepare for the future. Thus, shame is no longer required. I felt like sh*t. I let that sh*t go. Now, I am the sh*t because I learned something new about myself. Good job, me.
  • Be Cautious: Shame and other emotionally exhausting situations will not heal in a day, a week, a month, etc. . Be patient with yourself as you try to apply what you’ve learned from the past to your present situation. – During the healing process, sometimes the wound will reopen unexpectedly or we relapse and rip it open ourselves. It happens. Sometimes shame appears because we’re not healing fast enough or getting over it quick enough. You may have just learned to be your own sage, but all of the best advice for your problems won’t do much if you don’t give it time to sink in. Think of it like glue. You have to give it time to dry before it can do its job. If you keep expecting it to be instant and mess with the adhesive before it dries, you’re going to end up with mess and disappointed. It’s not just impatience, but also self-sabotage. When that happens, you go back to acknowledging your emotions, grounding yourself, learn from the experience, and apply the experience to your situation. It’s a process. Let it take its course.

This isn’t easy…

Dealing with shame in this way isn’t easy. I don’t think it’s meant to be easy. So don’t expect it to be. I’m going to just keep trying. The two of swords on the left in the second picture signifies indecision in my subconscious, which is very true right now. I feel torn between addressing my shame in this new way and letting it win, but on the right, the two of pentacles, representing my conscious, is a good reminder that shame brings up a lot of things that are hard to juggle. I can find my balance eventually if I give it time. Lastly, the third picture shows four more cards that stood out to me: Balance, to recall that two of pentacles energy, the four of wands reversed, pointing out what I’m struggling with is most likely linked to what I’ve been through with those close to me, Longevity from the Tao oracle, signifying the use of this new way of processing shame, and Emotional Loss, the core to my shame, I would say.

So, yeah, just wanted to share that. Thank you if you read all the way through. This was a bit hard to write, being more transparent and all that. But whatever. I’m not ashamed 🙂 .

I made a GoodReads Account. Would you like to be my friend?

I’ve been putting this off for a while, but my GoodReads account exists now, and I’d like for you to be my friend if you have an account. I added some titles off the top of my head that I’m currently reading and will have to look through my bookshelves to find what else I’ve read lol…’cause there’s a lot.

Follow me! I’ll follow back!

Can I Just Be Transparent For A Moment?

Creative projects like cover songs, writing my novel, or painting digitally or traditionally helps me with so many issues I have. Even blogging is becoming a beautiful outlet for me. I need to praise this because my social anxiety makes it damn near impossible to talk to anyone. I will talk with close friends, but those brief talks aren’t enough. There are greater depths in my psyche, the place where my internal screams echo eternally. Excuse the melodramatics, but that’s seriously what it’s like. I imagine it’s like that for many of us, but holy crap there are certain facets of my mind that only art and witchcraft can really tap into. Actually, witchcraft is another artistic vent for me. It is a craft after all.

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Any artistic vent is so empowering. I’m just gushing with gratefulness right now because many of us have this horrible, nasty habit of expecting the people who cross our paths to engage with our internal chaos and bring order, but how the hell can they when they have their own chaos to conquer, let alone their own lives? It’s so tough being told you’re not alone and that support is around you, but when reality hits, you have to face your chaos alone. The support may or may not be absent because it’s up to you to face it. GAH! Change! Change triggers my chaos and it’s so thrilling. I freaking posted this on Instagram today and this whole day I’ve been trying to take my own advice.

So perhaps what I’m struggling with, what’s fueling the chaos, is letting go of all this brain training that convinces me that change is something to fear and be intimidated by and if you’re not ready for what’s to come it is utterly and completely your fault. Nope. There’s nothing and no one to blame. Change is a powerful, constant force, but so am I. I need to chose to use my power, adapt, grow, transform, etc. and, simultaneously, learn to surrender.

Okay. Had to get that out. Thanks for reading. Learn tarot. It’s great.

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