The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily or mental and spiritual

John Stuart Mill – On Liberty

Hello again.

I’m happy to make a quiet return to blogging and sharing the progress of my creative projects. I’ve been bursting with a lot of ideas, but also trying to slow down so I can focus on one idea or project at a time. Lately, I’ve been thinking about governance for the sake of worldbuilding for my dark fantasy novel and short story series. Exploring the philosophies behind various political agendas led me to think about what freedom truly means. As an American, I can admit that my country feeds the illusion of freedom and we reinforce that narrative with the way we treat one another’s individualized issues with prejudice, apathy, ignorance, and insecurity. We do this explicitly and implicitly, often not knowing which is which. It’s no surprise that feeding an illusion will inevitably make you delusional if you’re not grounded with some kind of autonomy and self-trust. Returning to my writing, my thoughts and feelings about governance and the microcosm of its power found in our interactions with friends and family have been braided into my work. I’m just realizing this now as an American who has particular privileges and faces particular acts of oppression, and yet is struggling to believe that I’m free. The narratives about freedom fed to me as a child and the narratives fed to me today are so flimsy, yet build a harsh friction between my pursuit of living a free and fulfilling life because I’m not obeying the narratives; I can never be free the “right” way.

I took a few weeks off of social media and thoroughly enjoyed it. I remembered when social media came out when I was a teenager, I think, and didn’t even care about joining it until I heard that Amy Lee from Evanescence made a Twitter account (lol!). Many people phrase the use of social media as being flooded by too much information at once, which I agree with. We’re not flooded just by information, but also many personal narratives from people we don’t even know. Those who are opinionated and have strong personalities seem to dominate as icons and influencers in their relative niches. For a while I thought I wanted that, but the cost of having that kind of status also challenges what freedom is. I don’t like the pressure that comes with meeting the expectations of others nor surrendering the majority of my energy to staying in contact and interacting with people from many walks of life on a daily basis. Lol, I can barely handle going to the grocery store maneuvering around people and sometimes having to talk to them (#firstworldproblems). So taking this break from social media helped me to find the balance I need when it comes to loving all the chaos that is the internet and making sure I’m grounded enough to create. I’ve decided I’m going to continue spending less time on social media and use it for marketing purposes for the most part.

I call myself a mystic and creative spirit as the sub-headline of Authentikei, but I should just put “nocturnal antisocial hermit”. I’m happiest when I’m alone and creating, but when I do share more of my writing, my music, and more, I’ll happily engage with you and others because I’m also at my happiest when I find kindred souls who fancy the dark side. I’ve accepted that I’m a hermit and that to maintain this freedom, I have to be responsible enough to preserve my health, which is what freedom currently means to me, but I’m a hermit who is grateful for the online and real-life communities that resonate with me as they’re wonderful reminders that I’m not and never will be alone. As the proper guardian of my health, this is my choice and I’ll do whatever’s necessary to preserve this sacred freedom. Perhaps that sounds dramatic in regards to social media, but I can’t emphasize how important it is to me to make sure my time and energy is no longer commanded by the people who are apathetic and ignorant of my needs. I believe every creative spirit has that right.

Thank you for your time. Also, I wanted to share the philosophy video from Academy of Ideas that inspired this post.

Leliel.

I was looking for reading music and stumbled upon an amazing harp concert. I love that this is my first impression of Sophia Kiprskaya. Her level of talent is iconic. This needed to be shared because I’m sure fellow classical enthusiasts and dark academics who love the harp will cherish it.

Have you heard of her before? Which of her performances would you recommend?

L.

More Artist Recognition

Native American Artistry to Invest In

Sonnet by Alice Dunbar Nelson

The Cave by Paul Tran

“You are free and that is why you are lost.”

– Franz Kafka, “Letter to His Father”

I constantly sway back and forth between knowing who I am and what I want, then not knowing anything about myself at all. It’s like an automatic dissociation from the self and it leaves me ungrounded, floating. I often try to resist this lost feeling, but it’s such a frequent experience now and since many of my experiences often inspire wonderful art, I’m just going to let it happen now.

There is a loss and lack of meaning behind so many instances where I’m hyper aware of my absence in various populations…groups…social circles. For the longest time, this felt like a curse, like I was some sort of poison everyone was trying to avoid or when they did notice me, I was either scolded, shunned, or pushed to convert to what makes them feel comfortable. Why do they tell me how to feel? How to act? How to think? I can’t belong in places, no, I won’t belong in any place where everyone wants to be the same or where everyone wants to be unique and free, yet surrenders that power to one way of being. I feel like most societies develop a mutual and reciprocal respect for how we should live together, tolerate each other, but even in America, land of the free, there are sects of different societies that are determined to control one another not noticing they’re being controlled by higher powers…or perhaps they do know. Perhaps they’re just as aware as I am that the figures with the most power and influence have made themselves untouchable, so if you can’t beat them, join them and if you can’t join them, mimic them, pretend. What loss…

I was reviewing the aspects of Luciferian doctrine from a variety of left-hand sources. I do that when I feel lonely and lost; it’s such a lovely reminder that I’m not alone in the pursuit of enlightenment, enamored by the virtue of being the forever student because the mysteries of nature are so everlasting, that they will outlive us effortlessly. There’s something about accepting that that makes being a mystic honorable. Because I no longer bow to gods or people playing god nor dive too deeply in a doctrine or an influence simply because of its appeal (Luciferianism included), I have an intense, undying freedom, which I noticed repels anyone who has only wanted to blend in or belong. I do tend to romanticize solitude, but I don’t want to be cut off from experiences with others simply because they won’t find any need to include me in something. Even if I am included, whether ulterior motives are there or not, the experience inspires.

Who am I? Am I freedom or is that too simple? Am I ravenous for knowledge or does that set a very ambiguous precedent of my identity? (It’s not like I’m a walking computer.) “I’m an artist,” is closer. “I’m a creator,” is even closer. “I’m a mystic and creative spirit,” hits the nail on the head for me and will forever be too mysterious for others. Perhaps because I live in a world where individual souls are so desperate for belonging, I mimicked that as a learned behavior. I don’t think I want to belong to anyone or anything, at least according the standards of a society. I think my belongingness exists within myself and is transfixed with the reality of my existence, which I guess is as grounded as I’ll ever get.

To Be The Proper Guardian of My Own Health – [Just Me & Video]
The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our …
Taking A Break – [Just Me]
My mental health really sucks right now, so I’m taking a few …
My Responsibility – [Poetry]
Harp Concert by Sofia Kiprskaya , soloist of the Mariinsky Theater – [Video / Artist Recognition]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xn3uAHZHcc&ab_channel=ClassicMmediaGroup I was looking for reading music and stumbled upon an amazing …

Lost to ambiguity,

I’m nothing.

Obstacles with no substance

nor logic conquer all.

Circumstances are conspiracies.

My anger’s self-righteousness

must win the war.

All in life plans to witness

my reactivity and self-destruction

because, of course,

the world revolves around my demise;

saying otherwise is a risky lie.

Read full poem on Vocal.

Photo Credit: Gioele Fazzeri 

More Poetry

A Plea To Death

Winged

Elemental Magic – Fire

Wow, I talk about perfectionism a lot don’t I? Lol, well that’s because it haunts the f**k out of me. I’m a very ambitious, but sensitive person. I have big ideas that turn into elaborate, yet overwhelming strategies, and have issues altering those strategies only because I get stuck in a strong spell of the I-have-to’s…It takes time for someone like me to practice simplicity. Over-complication doesn’t mean it’s more exemplary than what’s simple. Taking a big picture view on my projects helped with that. When I look at the general goals, I can root out the extraneous details I thought I needed. Maybe that’s common knowledge for most people, but I suck at it! Anti-perfection is another pursuit of mine that takes so much conscious effort. I know I can work well under pressure, but that doesn’t mean I have to work under the pressure of perfection, yet here I am! 

Have you been watching The Olympics? Can you relate to the olympians that beat themselves up for being second or third place? Can you relate to the olympians who perform wonderfully, but beat themselves up for not doing everything perfectly even though they’re on the track to winning gold? I can. It sucks. 

Are you in the dark academia fandom? Do you relate to taking on academic assignments with the concept that your grade defines your self-worth? Have you ever had a meltdown over failing a quiz or test that didn’t even carry the entire weight of your grade? I have. IT SUCKS. 

Now I’m here still struggling with seeing my projects as a process. Why can’t I just enjoy the journey? The relief and enjoyment truly comes when I keep things simple and push myself to be anti-perfection. I hope to the gods I can experience this relief more consistently… 

L. 

Read More

How Empaths and Hypersensitives Can Prevent Mental Breakdowns

6 Ways to Cleanse and Empower Yourself

The “Lack Mentality” Is Killing Us