Do you ever catch yourself trying to gain the approval of others? I consider that to be a bad habit of mine. There’s nothing I need to prove and trying to make people understand where I’m coming from can be such a drag. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who don’t try to get to know me and go out of their way to keep it that way. That probably makes me sound bitter, lol. So what? Maybe I am. I’m still working on that.

However, I do find life is a lot easier for me when I go my own way and remember I belong to myself. Conformity to other people’s agendas is not only boring, but it chips away at your self-respect. I don’t need to belong to a group, a community, or a significant other; I belong to myself. Yes, I do appreciate the people/communities in my life, but they also meet the criteria of some of the best advice I’ve ever come upon: Some people are just too f**ked up to care. Therefore, I have to make myself top priority. No one else will ever do it.

This is the energy I got from a reversed three of cups today and I’m all for it.

– Leliel

Deck: Goetia Tarot of Darkness

Prompt via The Life of Dee: Autumnal crafts for toddlers – give us ideas on what our little ones could make this season.

I don’t have children. I’m not crafty. I wasn’t even allowed to do autumn crafts because when you’re raised by Christian parents, they think everything is a gateway to Satan.

So I guess I’ll use this post to talk about a childhood memory. In third grade, there was a craft assignment where the teacher wanted us to write a message on our own decorated tombstone. I don’t remember the details, but I’m assuming she wanted us to write something either silly or positive about ourselves. Since my parents freaked out about that and told the teacher I wouldn’t be participating in that, she offered the alternative of me designing my own pumpkin instead. Parents approved. I was the only pumpkin lol. I don’t even remember how I decorated it or what I wrote.

If I had the chance to design my tombstone…well to be honest, I want my body cremated and I think you can have your cremated ashes used as soil or something and have a tree planted in your name instead. That’s what I want. I want a willow tree and maybe when it grows tall, my memory can be engraved in the trunk as: Leliel – Lover of Darkness – Hater of Bigots.

I’d also like it if, “Be Gay, Do Crime!” was on the trunk somewhere lol. And maybe vague instructions on how to summon me hanging from one of the branches. I’ll have to think about that one…or maybe it should just say, “Step One: Don’t.”

I’m so behind on these autumn challenge posts…

Leliel

It’s so important to have just one day completely stress free, but that’s not easy…like ever. Considering that many of us have been “grinding” so to speak either in the workforce or in school most of our lives, we can’t just say, “I’m relaxing now,” and boom! You’re chill AF.

That’s not life. That’s not the brain. Giving ourselves a moment to pause and just be has to be a practice, just as grinding the day away was sort of a practice, albeit we were all sort of thrust into that life via social norms.

Many of us know that our calendar is pagan. Depending on your perspective, you probably have noticed nordic, roman, and other influences. Sunday and “Moon”day start our week and I heard that those are the days that should really be your “weekend” because Sunday is for energizing yourself and Monday should be to nurture yourself since those are the classic associations with the sun and the moon. I have to admit, I’ve been living my weeks like this for most of this year and it’s been nice. Though I do wish most of my days could be as relaxing as today was. Like I said, calming ourselves is a practice. Sometimes the momentum of Tuesday through the rest of the week take me on a wild ride with Thursday being my new hump day and Saturday being my Friday. I do my best to reflect on how my week went on Saturdays so I can decide what is and isn’t working. Honestly, I don’t think I catch everything. The “grind” mentality is really hard to squash. I’m sure some people will say they like having that sort of grind-drive each day, but as someone who is neurodivergent and anxiety-ridden sometimes, the grind is overstimulating and burnout triggers depressive symptoms. I hate it.

At least today was wonderful. I’m proud of myself.

Also, I’m on the fence about completing the autumn post challenge lol…It’s not as fun as I thought it was.

Leliel

Is luck on my side? Will my goals in life that can lead to success? Will my prosperity candle spell work?

Not everything is guaranteed, but one thing is: change. Change. It’s chaotic, random, and often not noticed until it’s noticed. Lately, I’ve been exploring how my agnosticism and absurdism plays around with my mystic practices and it’s really bizarre, but also really fun. There’s something very grounding when I meditate, channel intent and focus into my lit candles, and allow all the symbols from my tarot decks and oracle cards to act like a subjective puzzle and mirror of my consciousness. I have answered “yes” to all of those questions above with 99% confidence.

Luck is a strange concept, but I feel I can attract all its kinds one way or another. I have trusted my prosperity spells and have seen the desired results. Also, I have looked at my goals, my attitude, and my efforts in an honest and practical matter, helping me to be successful and proud of myself. All of these are coinciding events. Coincidence is a powerful force in itself and I can’t help but respect it. And for the record, I have had “bad luck”, unintentional prosperity opportunities via a spell candle, and have completely forgotten how to be practical during work sessions that are supposed to be productive. It’s all still coincidence, coinciding events occurring around and within me that happen to become teachable moments.

Humans are irrational as hell. We come up with random ideas. They’re supported, reformed, or just flat our denied. We may persist to keep presenting them or prove their worth or just abandon it altogether. It’s all still random. It’s all change happening within us, around us. Even the most logical of us have to learn to be adaptable when we learn that not everything can be predicted. The most adaptable or flexible have to adjust to a sense of structure or tradition if not out of respect, then at least out of acceptance, learning that we can’t work around the things we have to face head on. This is how we’ve built societies, governments, laws, principles, institutions, economies, ethics…we’ve also reformed them or destroyed them.

We’re just really f**king weird when it comes to deciding what’s what. That’s why it’s hard to understand how we hold ourselves back with standards of living or codes of honor or whatever we want to call the expectations we internalize. Our reality is so malleable and paradoxical with so much beyond our control, and yet we’re obsessed with control as chaos reigns.

I think I want to explore luck, manifestations, and coincidence more. Whatever helps me stop obsessing over fool proof plans and formulas to success. I think my luck and manifestations are my own in some way and coincidence sort of wanders around me like it wanders around everything else. At least then I’m not making myself go crazy over the made up guarantees promised to me.

Leliel

You Belong To Yourself (3 of Cups reversed energy) -[Mystic Meditations]
Do you ever catch yourself trying to gain the approval of others? …
Autumn Post Challenge – Day 9 – I don’t have children… – [Just Me]
Prompt via The Life of Dee: Autumnal crafts for toddlers – give …
Moondays Should Be Mindful – [Just Me]
It's so important to have just one day completely stress free, but …
Autumn Post Challenge – Day 8 – Halloween Haul?! – [Just Me]
For real?! This was my last post! Ugh! Well, I will show …

For real?! This was my last post! Ugh!

Well, I will show off two fun purchases to add some spook to my sketchbooks.

Front side

I bought a spooky sticker pack and decorated one of my sketchbooks. I love it.

Back side

Also, I’ve been enjoying the horror manga short story collection “Smashed” by Junji Ito. These stories have been wild and unsettling, which is to be expected. It’s a very satisfying and bizarre read!

Have a good one.

Leliel

  • Decorate your house for Autumn/Halloween – show us pics of your decor.

Well what a coincidence. I was at the Spirit Halloween store recently looking for a fleece throw, but I couldn’t find any. Instead I found a bird’s skull and an iron key I want to use as a door knocker for decor and blogging purposes because I was excited to share what I got. Anyway, the pursuit of the throw went on. Hot Topic had plenty of anime throws and I wanted none of them (I’m very picky with anime merch). Then I went to Spencers and voila! A throw that I could live with was there. It has a print of the major arcana The Moon on one side and this beautiful moon and star design on the other. I also got a seated/back pillow to help me with working at home. It’s been doing wonders for my back so far.

And I guess I might as well admit that the midst of decor shopping involved some impulsive purchases, live gloves, nails, socks, and a single magnet.

Leliel

  • Tips on dealing with the darker mornings/evenings – what do you do to make getting up easier when it’s dark outside. Prompts by The Life of Dee.

I don’t get seasonal depression during the autumn/winter like most people do. It hits me during the spring/summer, but just because it happens during a different time of year for me doesn’t mean I can’t offer tips. Finding beauty in darkness is what I love to do anyway.

  • If you’re a morning person, wake up early to catch the sunrise, misty mornings, the calm before everyone wakes up, the gentle chill; welcome the day.
  • Watch the sunsets when you can. Since they happen sooner, you might get to catch it while you’re leaving your workplace.
  • Enjoy the stars. I like studying constellations during the summer, but during the autumn and winter, the Milky Way is more clear (if you live in the Northern hemisphere). You’ll have a better chance of catching shooting stars too.
  • Set up a little fire that you can enjoy by yourself or with friends, indoor or outdoor. You could make smores just for the hell of it. Gathering around a heater and playing some fire-crackling noises on YouTube might work too lol.
  • Listen to poems about nature. If you want imagery that reminds you of spring/summer again, I recommend listening to readings of the Romantic poets (Wordsworth, Keats, Coleridge etc.) or look for contemporary poets. There’s also plenty of Japanese nature poetry and Japan has beautiful spring scenery with those Sakura blossoms.
  • Find spring/summer art or photography and hang it up on your wall or make it your wallpaper on whichever device you use the most (you’ll find plenty on Pinterest). Again, look up Japan.
  • Watch reality shows or documentaries about spring/summer related things that make you excited for next year. Maybe another vacation/staycation needs to happen. Maybe you’ll find some interior design inspiration.
  • Listen to forest ambience, especially if there’s a soft wind in the background. I listen to rain and “haunted forest” ambience during the spring/summer to cheer me up.
  • Buy some flowers and make a flower crown or just keep the flowers around. I like watching roses die.
  • Make or buy food that reminds you of your favorite season. I like to make a cinnamon/blackberry tea with a little bit of apple cider vinegar and honey; it tastes like apple cider.
  • Well, global warming is on the fast track, so I guess if we have a fall or winter day that ends up in the nineties, why not go outside? lol…

Hope that helps.

L.

You Belong To Yourself (3 of Cups reversed energy) -[Mystic Meditations]
Do you ever catch yourself trying to gain the approval of others? …
Autumn Post Challenge – Day 9 – I don’t have children… – [Just Me]
Prompt via The Life of Dee: Autumnal crafts for toddlers – give …
Moondays Should Be Mindful – [Just Me]
It's so important to have just one day completely stress free, but …
Is it Luck, Manifestation, or Coincidence? – [Mystic Meditations]
Is luck on my side? Will my goals in life that can …

  • Prompt: How to make your home cosy this Autumn – share with us what we can do to transition our home from cool Summer to warm Autumn. Prompts by The Life of Dee.

For me, it’s about comfort and ambience. Blankets, cardigans, hoodies, and sweaters are a must. Candles have to be the right size so they last for the season. For smells, whether it be candles, incense, or oils, my favorites are the earthiest, like cypress and cedar wood, but I also like lavender, sandalwood, amber, vanilla, frankincense, blood orange, and apple/pumpkin spice whatever (which I think I like more as a scent than I do a drink).

To add to the cozy, a good amount of LoFi playlists will do the trick. Here’s a Halloween one I found the other day.

You Belong To Yourself (3 of Cups reversed energy) -[Mystic Meditations]
Do you ever catch yourself trying to gain the approval of others? …
Autumn Post Challenge – Day 9 – I don’t have children… – [Just Me]
Prompt via The Life of Dee: Autumnal crafts for toddlers – give …
Moondays Should Be Mindful – [Just Me]
It's so important to have just one day completely stress free, but …
Is it Luck, Manifestation, or Coincidence? – [Mystic Meditations]
Is luck on my side? Will my goals in life that can …

Is this another way of saying, “Am I a workaholic?” I’m not sure. I do think it’s weird that I don’t feel well when I’m not working in a stressful environment or that I’m not really working if I’m not stressed. That’s the kind of mentality the dark academia fandom bonds over, actually. It’s a weird, toxic thing.

I did a tarot reading on this and it turns out that the normalization of burnout and stress is very hard to decondition yourself from (I know that’s not very profound, but it just hit me this sh*t is deeper than I thought…). Abandoning calm and comfort while working is one of those things we as a society just decided to agree on? I was even advised to make sure I work at a desk so it feels like work (since the majority of my work is done at home) and that my bed should be for rest only… Nah. I love working in bed. I love that I can do my studies and my writing in the most comfortable place in my home. I’m only up and about for photoshoots and music recording. Shouldn’t that be enough? Does professionalism and career building have to be a suffocating experience? Does the daily grind really benefit me if I feel worthless and depressed when I’m not working myself to death? I’m pretty sure we each have our own work-life balance that works best for us, but sometimes mine feels…I honestly don’t know how to describe it.

I think the rigidity of Western work ethic is very unsettling. Why does it thrive on compounding on societal pressures? Does it also thrive on brainwashing me into thinking what I do will never be enough? How dumb… How scary…

L.

Local events this Autumn – tell us what is going on in your area this Autumn. Post prompt via The Life of Dee.

I don’t really participate in the local events like getting pumpkins and Oktoberfest. I celebrate the fall equinox and Samhain, also it’ll be my first time observing the Halloween Rite to Eurynomous & Baalberith as a novice demonolater. I might be going to a holistic fair in November.

L.

You Belong To Yourself (3 of Cups reversed energy) -[Mystic Meditations]
Do you ever catch yourself trying to gain the approval of others? …
Autumn Post Challenge – Day 9 – I don’t have children… – [Just Me]
Prompt via The Life of Dee: Autumnal crafts for toddlers – give …
Moondays Should Be Mindful – [Just Me]
It's so important to have just one day completely stress free, but …
Is it Luck, Manifestation, or Coincidence? – [Mystic Meditations]
Is luck on my side? Will my goals in life that can …