Musically Reminded of the Life I’m Fighting For [Progress]

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I had a wonderful burst of musical inspiration today and lined up 11 songs for an upcoming album. There are definitely still cover songs and instrumentals I’d like to release before the album just to get my name out there, but I have to say, I’m pretty pumped for this. I have over 50 songs written and composed. I looked over half of them and realized which ones would make a great debut album showing how my musical ventures helped me through life most authentically.

Man, I am so damn grateful. Some of this energy has been heavy as hell and certainly inspired some creative writing, but goddamn…I spiraled down into some dark depths since the beginning of this month and it just kept getting worse.

In fact, life has been so strange energetically, I’ve steered away from the articles and essays I’ve been wanting to write, which makes me really sad. It’s a shame when none of my ideas feel right or that I feel like I’m spewing out nonsense rather than what I’m truly interested in. Thankfully, singing and playing the piano (like a complete amateur because I haven’t practiced in so long lol) helped me to remember the life I am manifesting and fighting for. Making my dreams into a reality has never been on hold, but sometimes you fall into a slump before you rise out of it again.

Hope you all are well!

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The Hunger

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Closer and closer to realizing my dreams as reality. Today is 11/11, a really special day with a very inspiring energy. I’m ravenous for creation, determined to publish and distribute my work. I truly feel like I’m finally going in the right direction and simultaneously knowing that going any direction will benefit me somehow.

This is a just a special time. Manifestation isn’t a joke or a fancy way of playing pretend and hoping all your dreams come true in a blink. It requires patience and emotional fortitude along with a strong belief in your developing work. To me, it’s a hunger and I am no longer starving. I am providing for myself each passing day.

I had a rough night, but such a peaceful morning because I remembered that I’m free to live how I want thanks to this hunger and the development of my own self-trust.

The Practice

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There are so many delusions out there that want us to believe that certain experiences, especially healing and success, can be achieved instantly. I’m not saying some instantaneous things happen in life, but too many of us think that the lack of an instantaneous event is a type of curse or punishment for whatever reason. The development of gaining any kind of achievement is a process; I like to call it practice.

Reminding myself that I am in a state of practice is an encouraging way to remain teachable. Being teachable also increased my gratitude for the resources that mentor me by simply existing. My practice is a natural patience that helps me to progress towards my achievements and give me time to appreciate where I am in the present moment. This practice isn’t always a peaceful flow (which is obvious because without disruption in life, what’s the point?) and I’m grateful for the unknown elements and the unexpected obstacles. Well, I’m not instantly grateful. I get irritated still. I rant and rave. I jump on a social media platform and express frustration or make it into a poem, song, short story, etc. and that’s when it happens. In the friction of my frustration with the obstacle and the unknown, I create a spectacular new opportunity for myself. That is inspiration and acting on that inspiration is a practice.

Practice is not about perfection. The unknown and unexpected make things wonderfully messy and bring disastrous intrigue that make my heart race and my mind fluster. I anchor myself with a pen on paper, my finger gliding over a keyboard, a graphite pencil on a sketchbook, or with sound soaring from my throat. The practice is merging these instantaneous inspirations into long-term investments. Manifestation.

I adore being in a state of practice. It gives me permission to be human and just bleed.

Featured Image Art: Quando il Demone Chiama by L-E-N-T-E-S-C-U-R-A on Deviantart

Transformations and New Beginnings

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I hope everyone had a wonderful Samhain. I witnessed many changes within myself and around me. This past sabbat had a very initiatory energy to me. This technically is the “new year” for pagans, so it makes sense.

I spend my sabbats very privately, especially this most recent one. Even though I’ve only been pagan for about a year and am still learning a lot, Samhain has been a special day for me even during childhood. I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween growing up, but the day has always felt special to me. I know now I was just tapping into some spirit work abilities and those experiences really influence my writing.

I’ve had to think more carefully about my creative projects. Writing about Hermeticism, past lives, and other topics are still on the list, but I’ve been putting some unnecessary pressure on myself to write “high quality content”, which is the goal of course, but high quality doesn’t mean I should be stressing myself out over making sure I write something that will be approved by everyone who comes across it. Sometimes you’re going to create something or express yourself in some way that others won’t like and gladly mock. Instead of interpreting that as some kind of punishment or scolding, it should be interpreted as experience. Simple as that. My sensitive soul makes things complicated for the sake of avoiding the “experience” and I’m ready to start breaking that habit. That honestly is the main reason why I post articles/essays so slowly. I shouldn’t be rushing myself, and I don’t, but for this to be a substantial career as I write my novel and work on other projects, I need to be serious about writing more frequently.

This is just where my mind has been lately. I’m diving into my unconscious mind and investigating what’s really holds me back from allowing myself to reach success, to create, to attract abundance, to just be. Uprooting the excuses I’ve validated for so long is a process. It’s not very fun, but it’s very necessary.

Please expect more from me and I’ll do my best to stop disappearing for a week randomly, but I can’t make any promises. For those who follow my work, thank you for your patience.

Rage Writing

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Rage writing is when something angers you so much, you grab the writing method closest to you and start creating a story based on the event that you’re pissed at.

It’s good fun, yes, but I find it most fulfilling when I reread what I’ve created and reflected upon the theme later. The reflection makes the ending and details in between very clear and solidifies the theme.

Rage writing is also a great way to make sure you write more frequently, have a healthy outlet for your emotion, and process that anger. I’m not saying you’ll turn out being a better person than you were before or that you should try to write a happy ending to your rage-written story; but I am saying, at least for myself, that this is a satisfactory method of expression and it’s going to feel damn good to publish it in time.

The After -[Poem]

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Under a blanket of white

starts the eternal sleep;

A trance with transportation

towards a new dimension deep.

As I release my shell,

my soul I get to keep.

A new journey birthed

from the experience I reaped.

It’s easier to hope for nothing, yet I eagerly embrace the unknown something.

Novel Progress and Confidence Update – [Writing Advice]

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So after some work and some rest, I’ve been able to progress in character development and the lore of my world. I’m stuck on vampires again, but temporarily. One of my characters is my vampire and an exorcist. I’m basing her spirit work skills on exorcism techniques they used in ancient Japan.

For the record, working on a novel isn’t doing the same thing every day, at least for me. To keep the mind active and the inspiration flowing, I think it’s okay to take different approaches to your work. It’s a great confidence booster too when you create a different way of developing your story and it leads to progress, but even when you don’t make the breakthrough you hoped for, taking in that experience is a progress in itself.

My struggles with anxiety have surprisingly inspired me to fight for a confident attitude towards my work and myself. Shadow work during this time (shadow work is a self-reflection process many pagans/witches do through divination or other means, in case you don’t know) has helped so much. I did start a daily Instagram posting of one of my shadow work methods, but now I’m behind because of some mental health issues on my end. I’m still trucking on though and wanted to say that things are still moving forward.

To end, a little advice from a teabag tassel I got yesterday: The purpose of life is to know yourself, love yourself, trust yourself, and be yourself.