In hours and increments
I realize your distance
is no longer sentenced
to a timezone away.
For hours I search,
recalling your flirts
fading in the spurt
of my grief and dismay.
Wherever you are, Angel,
I’ll wait again,
for hours upon hours
upon hours still.
In these hours upon hours,
I’m longing.
Sour at myself
for losing
you
in a second…
…then not noticing
for hours.
Forgive me.
Demon/Daemon/Daimon: “Lesser spirit or god. A devil in Christian mythology. Literal meaning for Demon – “Replete with wisdom.” Derived from the Greek ‘daimon’ meaning divine power” – S. Connolly (1997-2006) – The Complete Book of Demonolatry.
The Stoic understanding of daemon is not so different from the Socratic understanding of the daimonion, or the divine sign which was responsible for keeping Socrates out of politics and instead passionate about a life seeking wisdom. A faculty of divine rationality.
Equanimous Rex (2017) – Socrates’ Daemon and Ancient Oracles: The Mysterious Byways of Reason – modernmythology.net
According to Occult World, daemons or daimons are mentioned as far back as Ancient Greece and were considered divine beings intuitively communicating between humanity and the gods or the divine. They can be good or they can be evil (according to most demonologists, but not all. Opinions vary on whether some demons/daemons are completely good or completely evil). When Christianity evolved, most pagan deities were labeled as demons, or the fallen angels that rebelled against the Christian god, Jehovah. Daemons or demons are associated with possession, but that can be paralleled with the Jungian perspective claiming daemons can communicate or become the higher self.
There are various books on demonolatry, demonology, and demons themselves. A few are:
If you’re a budding occultist or mystic, please be sure you’re thoughtful, well informed, and properly taught before engaging with any of the entities mentioned in the above texts or other books/grimoires.
Sometimes I’ll listen to old music, whether I created it or it was composed by someone else, and just cry as I relive the negative emotions and false, illogical arguments as to why I wasn’t good enough or as good as them. Then I relive the memories of a broken mind and more broken heart pushing others away simultaneously with and without the intention to do so. Splitting is what they call it…
While I continue to pick up the pieces, I remember that I want nothing more than to prove my past self wrong and prove those who hurt me wrong. I’m good enough. This is my life’s work. I can do this. I’m going to do this.
One thing we empaths seem to have in common is that we attract narcissists. In the past I would’ve said that attracting and keeping the narcissistic, manipulative, emotionally draining people in my life wasn’t intentional, but I’m not sure how true that really was.
October is my shadow work month where I get really f**king real with myself, so I’m going to share a little reflection with you. Sometimes us empaths attract the people who are absolutely nothing like us or find them to be mildly or extremely attractive because they have character traits we’re missing.
Narcissists are disgustingly charming.
We know it. We hate it. BUT let’s just pause for a moment and think about where they get the charm from. They aren’t pushovers. They exude a ridiculous amount of confidence and charisma. Depending on where they are on the NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) spectrum and if they’re not completely lost in their grandiosity, they can be incredibly intelligent and apply their intellect to get nearly anything they want. Their level of confidence and the strength of the boundaries they set can be admirable to an empath.
We’re so used to being open that we rarely balance our openness to others with time for ourselves (and everyone’s balance is different, by the way. That’s realized as you learn more about yourself). And let’s not forget that the reason why narcissists can be attracted to you isn’t all about empaths being “an easy target” because your sensitivity and compassion seem easy to exploit to them, but it’s also because they know they’re missing that ability to connect with others genuinely and are so incredibly shallow once their farce of a persona is exposed.
However, there is no need for us to succumb to the cycle of being seduced and then escaping the narcissist over and over again. We need to recognize the areas in our life that are lacking sufficient boundaries. Empaths have trouble with boundaries due to the fact that we’re so naturally open and have a natural insight that is praised by others, so why would we shut that down? Dare I say, we may hide a the part of ourselves where our insightful abilities can be used to pry into the inner truths of others and manipulate them as we wish. But we’re not “bad” people because we do that…right? We’re not like the narcissists who manipulate people and ignore their conscience deliberately…Well…if we’re invading the emotional or psychic boundaries of others are we any different?
I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I promise. I believe Deborah has the same intention not to guilt trip anyone, but to address that common and vicious cycle of the empath-narcissist dichotomy.
Deborah, aka The Peculiar Daughter on YouTube, discusses her own shadow self, how it’s linked to her empath ability, how being an empath attracted narcissistic people, and how she put an end to that. Comment below what you think. I think there are many of us who go through this and perpetuate their pain rather than pursue their power. I admit that I’m one of them and am grateful for Deborah’s insights.
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Are You Obsessing Over Your Twin Flame? Please Stop…
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I enjoyed my Yule then jumped right back into work. The couple of weeks off was really needed and one week to just focus on work helped as well. Blog posts and updates are coming back. And more is coming… I hope you all are well. – Kris Leliel
metonymy metonymy: “A figure of speech that substitutes the name of a related object, person, or idea for the subject at hand. Crown is often substituted for monarchy…should not be confused with synecdoche, a substitution of a part of something for the whole or the whole for a part.” – NTC’s Dictionary of Literary Terms … Continue reading What is metonymy? – Literary Terms 101
Just a heads up, some visual changes are being made to the website to prepare for a new project. Apologies if some aspects of the site are difficult to see/read. I hope you all are doing well and enjoying Yule/Xmas/Whatever. Please celebrate safely. – K.L.
YouTuber TripWhip discusses his own shadow experience and hits the nail on the head with what the shadow truly reveals to you.
Read – “What is Shadow Work? – Metaphysical and Occult Terms 101” to learn more about working with your shadow self.
My shadow has taught me…
…that they never existed in the name of evil or to make the “darkness” seem evil. The shadow is the part of us that’s trying to tell us what we need to be our real selves. It’s a process, but a worthwhile one where you do feel better about revelations about yourself. Shadow work isn’t meant for you to find the “enlightenment” destination, where you understand everything and you’re supposedly just “done” learning about yourself. It’s an ongoing journey that can be taken in gratitude if you humble yourself and listen to your shadow.
Comment below if you have any insights or questions about shadow work.
The Ritman’s Library Occult Archive
Are You Obsessing Over Your Twin Flame? Stop.
“Oft have I thrilled at deeds of high emprise, / And yearned to venture into realms unknown,” Alice Moore Dunbar-Nelson – “To Madame Curie” A powerful force from history greeted me today through The Paris Review: Alice Dunbar-Nelson. I came across this article by Joanna Scutts while looking for magazines that accepted poetry. I was … Continue reading A Remarkable Read – Feminize Your Canon: Alice Dunbar-Nelson – [Artist Recognition / History Study]
I think I just want to drown in poetry for my next creative project. I don’t know about you, dear readers, but November has been transformative for me. I’ve been chaotic and melancholy with mild intervals of maturity due to retrospective divination sessions and meditations. And my Thanksgiving was…I suppose 60% okay. I observe the … Continue reading I Just Want Poetry – [Just Me]
I’ll allow the video to speak for itself. Please don’t feign ignorance on this day if you’re American. Don’t ignore history. Take time to learn whose land you’re on.
The Shadow Self
“…is an archetype that forms part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and embarrassing fears. This archetype is often described as the darker side of the psyche, representing wildness, chaos, and the unknown.” – Loner Wolf
The shadow is an archetype formed in the unconscious or subconscious coined by clinical psychologist and mystic Carl G. Jung. Working with your shadow requires confronting and embracing repressed feelings. Confronting one’s shadow can be done through divination, meditation, creative projects, journaling, therapy/counseling, and many other ways. If you find that you’re able to honestly express yourself through writing and journaling, you will love the Shadow Work Journal on Loner Wolf, a spiritual mentorship site run by Mateo Sol and Aletheia Luna. This year, I’ve decided to combine divination techniques with their shadow journaling prompts and have found it to be a very thoughtful collection of prompts that help you address what needs confronting and what self-care needs require more attention. My previous shadow work sessions focused on confrontation and I rarely gave myself self-care time. I wanted to give the journal a try because I was very impressed by Loner Wolf’s breakdown of the shadow self and all its potential.
The point of shadow work is to work on the part of yourself that you have labeled as “evil” or “shameful” and instead of turning away from it, you see the shadow for what it is, starting with the fact that you are the shadow. Rejecting any part of yourself often develops into subconscious defense mechanisms, losing your sense of self, robbing yourself of autonomy, and even losing touch with reality. Psychologically, the repression of an aspect of the self creates a dissonance between one’s personal reality and reality as it is. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Repression in itself is a defense mechanism and defending ourselves is innate. However, defense mechanisms can build into unhealthy and unwanted habits.
Those of us who need to work with our shadow see ourselves pushing our loved ones away, having trouble connecting with others, struggling to see ourselves in a realistic light, believing negative and inaccurate perceptions without challenging them, hurting ourselves and others more than we meant to… the list goes on. The point of shadow work is to take that step towards understanding ourselves. Additionally, don’t believe that this is just for the “spiritual” person. The aspects of shadow work has appeared through works of art, philosophical discussions, scientific studies on humanity, and even in our particular day-to-day events where we have these epiphanies about ourselves. Shadow work in itself is a reflective process and I strongly recommend reading Loner Wolf’s article on the Shadow Self and take that step towards self-actualization.
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The most ridiculous thing to ask of me is to stop rambling about my passions.
First and foremost, I found classical lofi and I love it. Second, I’ve accepted that my writing and creative career is being accomplished in chaotic baby steps. I make small achievements on a daily basis, I think, but thanks to the mental health issues I have, sometimes I forget that daily progress. There’s a lot … Continue reading Classical Lofi and Honest Chaos – [Just Me/Video]
I romanticized storms all my life, until I saw within myself a lightning strike shattering me. The fractals of my psyche flew out of reach. I felt their razor edges dig into the thinnest barriers of my consciousness, forcing me to scream, laugh, weep, rage, and die repeatedly. Those fractals seized my imagination at the … Continue reading Lightning Strike – [Stream of Consciousness Poem]
So being self-employed means wearing so many hats and I’m still trying to get the hang of all that I need to do and all that I want to do… but I’m happy doing it. I really miss sharing my music though. It’s just taking so much time…
My cover song hit a bit of a snag but that’s okay. I think I’ll be able to finish my next poetry reading soon. I miss releasing music so much. When my depression reached its peak in 2016 and swallowed me whole, I missed making music the most. Unfortunately, I self-destructed and deleted everything I posted in the past. It was just silly cover songs from anime, video games, and other shows I liked. Honestly, I might bring some of them back because they were building into something for me and I’m sad that I sabotaged the opportunity to see what it could have been.
I won’t give up this time around.
I hope you’re doing well. If you’re a creative like me, you better not give up either.
moral criticism:
“A type of literary criticism that evaluates a work on the basis of the moral elements it contains and their correspondence to the accepted moral standards of the time or to those ethical principles that the critic feels should govern human life. Ideally, the moral critic, in judging a literary work, applies only those moral standards presented in the work itself or, failing that, makes his or her own beliefs clear to the reader.” – The NTC’s Dictionary of Literary Terms
I’m currently writing an psychoanalysis on the horror/thriller film The Platform directed by Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia currently on Netflix. It’s almost impossible to avoid doing a kind of moral criticism not only trying to interpret the morals addressed in the work itself, but also express your own feelings about the events throughout the story (especially that ending!). Doing my best to stay within the realm of psychoanalysis, I inevitably ran into psychological terms that framed my view of the many facets of morality portrayed in this film. I have no desire to push my views on the audience, but the subjectivity that comes with psychoanalysis and the unreachable idealism of a moral critique makes it difficult to not address my views, which hasn’t been as optimistic as most analyses and reviews.
I’ll definitely share my analysis of The Platform on my Vocal profile when it’s finished.
Do you think being the ideal moral critic, where you’re focusing on the moral standards or ethics of the work itself, is possible?
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After such an intense year of repeated exposure of people, either famous or not, and their ugly under bellies, I expected that the people worship craze would decrease. How many Americans voted with the idea that “their saviors” will save a country so they won’t have to take any of the responsibility? How many celebrity … Continue reading Stop With The People Worship – [Just Me]
My cover of Love’s A Burden. Hope you enjoy and subscribe. Comment what you think below 🙂 Twitter/Instagram/Facebook/Tumblr: Authentikei Available on iTunes/Apple Music, Spotify, Tidal, TikTok, Amazon, GooglePlay, Deezer, Pandora, Twitch and more. Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/0gpepcMMhXEGMh1UEdj9Uk Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/loves-a-burden-single/1538243561?uo=4&app=music&at=1001lry3&ct=dashboard
This week has been so stressful and confusing that I forgot to promo the release of my cover song. Well, shit. Lol. Give me a day or two to get things sorted.
The lack of blogging and writing is due to getting closer and closer to finishing a poetry reading and a cover song that was put off long ago. I tend to rotate between my creative projects, so when the music buzz hit, I jumped right on it and I’m really grateful for the breakthroughs I’ve made. However, I don’t like going radio silent either with my blogging or Vocal articles, but I guess you can’t do everything at once right? In a perfect world, I could work on all of my projects, get my schoolwork done, and still have time to relax afterwards, haha.
I hope you all are well and I’ll let you know when the projects are done. I will be posting videos on my YouTube channel, but for my readers who can’t use YouTube, I’ll see if WordPress or another video player is available to embed.
Be well.
I got to travel out of town after months of staying in my home and it was so, so, so fantastic! Experiences with friends and observing different spaces inspired me so much. This pandemic…this year, really, has been depriving us from certain things one way or another, hasn’t it? I’m grateful for those of us who prioritize safety and care for others during this time because that will bring us all a step closer to experiencing the world in person again. I’m also grateful for the interconnectedness the internet gives us too, but virtual reality is not reality. Many of us are past expecting things to “go back to normal”, accepting that new cycles come and old ways pass on. The changes have been difficult to adapt to, but I must agree that the “new normal” is making so many of us embrace being more realistic, pragmatic, and open. We’re letting go of expectation and convenience to enhance our autonomy even when it challenges the status quo or makes closed-minded people erupt over what and who they can’t control.
We are learning the difference between being confident and being self-righteous. We are learning the difference between having conviction and being entitled. We are learning to be authentically bold rather than complacent or compliant. It’s a necessary development full of loss, heartache, and separation. As you pursue your truth, you will let go of what is false to you and lose far more than you expected or ever wanted. It’s amazing how expensive developing the true self is.
