Letting The Novel Take The Lead – [News]

I did start this website to track the progress of my novel series and I nearly forgot that (not gonna lie, I feel I’ve said this before…yikes). I’ll be posting more updates regarding the novel and the side projects I’ll be doing for the sake of the novel (writing articles, blogging, making music, short stories, etc.) more frequently. I think this is the best way to keep myself on track.

The article series on the Hermetic Principles is still going on along with research on past life experiences, auras, and preparing another prose poetry piece on elemental magic. All of it is relevant to the novel. Pouring into those short-term projects and sharing them with you all helps others understand my writing style and build my audience. I’m grateful for all of you, by the way. The support and patience all around the world is really inspiring. I love connecting with other writers and other people who have had these metaphysical or paranormal experiences. With that being said…

I’m going to create a “Contact” page soon so anyone can message me through the website if they like. I’ve had a few messages via Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, which is great, but I want there to be accessibility on the website too in case those of you who visit my page aren’t into social media. I’ll announce when that’s up.

Lastly, I have a worldbuilding idea that will allow me to share it with everyone in the midst of construction without spoiling the novel series. It’s been a dream I’ve put off for too long. So here we go.

More updates soon. Blessings.

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Depression – A Quote From The Goldfinch (No Spoilers)

“For unknown reasons, the gust of energy that had swept me up and fizzed me around all summer had dropped me hard, mid-October, into a drizzle of sadness that stretched endlessly in every direction: with a very few exceptions…I hated being around people, couldn’t pay attention to what anyone was saying, couldn’t talk to clients, couldn’t tag my piece, couldn’t ride the subway, all human activity seemed pointless, incomprehensible, some blackly swarming ant hill in the wilderness, there was not a squeak of light anywhere I looked, the antidepressants I’d been dutifully swallowing for eight weeks hadn’t helped a bit, nor had the ones before that (but then, I’d tried them all; apparently I was among the twenty percent of unfortunates who didn’t get the daisy fields and the butterflies but the Severe Headaches and the Suicidal Thoughts); and though the darkness sometimes lifted enough so I could construe my surroundings, familiar shapes solidifying the bedroom furniture at dawn, my relief was never more than temporary because somehow the full morning never came, things always went black before I could orient myself and there I was again with ink poured in my eyes, guttering around in the dark.” – The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Tartt has such a particular diction that drowns you in sensory detail. I had to share this because it’s a very modern take on depression; our medicines don’t work, the people in our lives aren’t enough, our occupation doesn’t help, our environments become warped and formless even when the most substantial and solid things are crystal clear visually. “…Guttering around in the dark.” Damn. It really is a directionless stumble, an unexpected drop triggered by the cycles of nature that ironically have a more direct path of living than most of us do. When things become pointless and incomprehensible, it is difficult to ground yourself. I remember feeling so heavy during my depression; chained to the bed involuntarily and when I tried to remember the world around me, it seemed so pointless I would dissociate. I wanted to blend with the nothingness surrounding me; vanish. To ground yourself in the midst of this sensation leads to the feat of reaching out. When any of us stumble in the dark, we’re forced to depend on our other senses and often resort to touch. Clinging to walls or railings is the same as clinging to a book, a video game, a movie, a blanket, a pillow, our phones, or we may even touch ourselves. That sensation can become a “squeak of light” acting as a reflection, giving us a glimpse of who we are and what we need. It takes a very vulnerable and honest perception to peer into that reflection, understand who you are, and press on. It’s not easy. It’s just possible.

I’m determined to finish this book and see the movie soon. I really do hope it will do this wonderful work of literature justice. I don’t think I’ve read anything this human.

The Universe Listens and Responds

There’s a great difference between being alone and lonely. When you wake up, you do realize that you’re never really alone, but the loneliness can creep in at times. Loneliness is actually a perception more than it is a fact. Do we all feel lonely sometimes? Definitely. However, I feel the reason why loneliness is a matter of perception is because this feeling only appears when we experience disconnection.

Even with family and friends around, disconnection occurs when it seems like we’re out of harmony with what’s happening around us. Since a lot of what happens to reality mirrors what’s going on within ourselves, disharmony with reality makes us want to disconnect. I recently experienced this disharmony. The best thing I did for myself is sit down and cry, talk to my spirit guides, create music, draw; in other words, I had to express how I felt about the disharmony. Afterwards, the external reality responded with signs and messages. This also helped me gain clarity on my own internal dialogue that at first seemed so repetitive and directionless. That’s what I mean by reality mirroring what’s going on within. If there is disconnection due to disharmony, all we can do is express that.

To manifest the connection and belongingness we long for in life, our expressions for what we need in life need to be loud and true. Some of us express privately, like myself. Some of us need to express it more publicly. Either way is considered loud and true because the universe listens and responds. Even those who don’t feel that the universe is really listening still NEED to express themselves. Their expression is an action that leads to a reaction. That’s the universe speaking, whether they like it or not. Every action parallels, ripples, echoes, and mirrors what’s already there. If we remember that expressing our needs and desires can guide us in life, no matter how directionless we feel in the moment, results will happen.

Change is the only constant, immutable energy that surrounds us. It’s sentience is still being debated by humanity, but I surely believe that energy is listening. You are not alone. The universe listens and responds.

Art Fuels Me

Took a step back. Grounded myself. Remembered how much art fuels me in every single way to live proudly.

Just wanted to say that…because sometimes I forget. I focus so much on the career and financial part of everything I am doing (because I’m determined to make a living off of being a writer/musician) and then I forget about just living my truth, the law of abundance, and all the other things involving manifestation.

Everything I do comes together and the results are in abundance and I’m happy I can share that with others.

I’m confused.

I just signed in to Vocal.Media but I had to go through my articles to reach my account…what? Okay well…guess I’ll figure this out.

Sorry for the misinformation before.

Issues With Vocal.Media – [News]

Hello all,

So, for over a week now, I’ve been having issues signing into Vocal.Media and accessing my account so I can write more articles. This is due to an update to the website. Since this isn’t really within my control, I am still writing the article on the first Hermetic principle, but if it takes too long for Vocal.Media to fix the issues, I’ll probably post it on the website.

Additionally, finally made a TikTok account (as I was freaking out before in my previous post, heheh) and the purpose of that isn’t really to just goof around. I want to be more transparent with my music making process and with just how I create in general. For those of you interested, my account name is authentikei. Because of the writing issues, I’ll probably focus on music a bit more, but I wish to stay connected with you all, so I hope you do follow. I like sharing my artistry with you.

Have a good day.

Beautiful Terror

I promised myself I’d work on music this weekend and actually share what I’m working on. I made a TikTok as a way of sort of “vlogging” about it. I have done some singing and piano playing on there if you’re interested in following. My username is authentikei.

But guys…holy shit, I forgot how terrifying it was to record myself while I sing and play. My hands started shaking as I shared the video. My singing lost its confidence with each passing moment. I had to take a break. I forgot how much I wanted to be a musician. I mean, I already am one, but to share my art…holy shit. It was so terrifying. The videos aren’t even that spectacular. I wanted to keep it simple just to figure out the app, how well the audio works, etc…

Just…

Holy shit. What a beautiful terror. It’s a blessing to have so many ways to express myself, but music has always been my primary. Doing this almost led to a panic attack. It’s so strange and familiar. I’m going to keep going, even while trembling.