Evanescence – Use My Voice – [Video]

Evanescence has always been an inspiring band for me… but this?

Fucking iconic. I love them.

You’ll hear my voice too and I want to hear yours.

A Brief Hold on The Violet Project Diaries and Upcoming Poetry Reading – [News]

So, in my last VPD entry, I realized the blunder I made regarding my first draft and why it’s been difficult writing the second draft and recording my progress (basically, it’s hard to record your progress when you’re not making much progress). This hasn’t exactly put VPD to a complete halt, but I need to pause so I can figure out how to better track my work as a novelist via the articles. I’m also taking time to find more resources that will help me during this stage of my writing because VPD is also meant to share helpful writer resources and/or writing advice too. I don’t want the VPD to be about nothing, so I’m taking a step back.

As I do that, I’ve decided to do work on a poetry reading of “A Plea to Death” and will upload it to my YouTube channel. Please subscribe if you’re interested. There is already one poetry reading available.

More soon. Thanks for the support.

A Once Chaotic Past – [Just Me]

During the break I give myself between studying psychology and working on my creative projects, I was reflecting on how much freedom I’m currently blessed with. My last post was about how perfectionism was haunting me and helping me again, and that felt good to share because it’s a matter of health that isn’t paid much attention to. It can be a very terrifying form of entrapment, especially because it’s an illusion. But today? There’s just freedom. I can breathe between my studies and my work without rushing to satisfy someone else’s schedule. I can alter my calendar and make plans for my study sessions without forcing myself to cram information or blow something off and hope luck will be on my side. There’s flexibility now and adaptability married with my responsibilities. I know the starving artist life doesn’t appeal to many and is often ridiculed if you’re not rich and famous. Who cares? I wish everyone could live a life without the starving and with more of the mindfulness and calm that comes with the artist mentality. The idealist, INFP that I am wishes more people could live the life they want and abandon the life others try to push upon them. We are capable of so much awesomeness when we aren’t forced to ignore the beauty around us. We’re capable of even more when we’re gifted with clarity, seeing what is and isn’t working for us. That’s a practice we have to chose to adopt, I suppose. Not everyone is as privileged as I am in this moment, so I’ll do my best to never complain about it.

In this breath, I am so humbled and light.

For what it’s worth, I hope you are well. It will get better.

Genre Study: Horror and Magical Realism – The Violet Project Diaries – Entry 17

Photo by Elina Krima on Pexels.com

Genre Study: Horror and Magical Realism

Horror and magical realism are my favorite genres to blend. My first published attempt at doing this is my horror short “Autonomy Bleeds Black” where pain and power manifested into elemental forces. One of my favorite magical realism works is Pan’s Labyrinth directed by Guillermo Del Toro. I’m a huge fan of Del Toro’s and am grateful that Pan’s Labyrinth was my introduction to him. In interviews, he’s described this film to be very personal as someone who lived under strict and religious conditions, but used fantasy works and other genres to escape. Often our escapes become reflections of our inner world and help us interpret what’s going on within us subconsciously and consciously.

…These genres are mirrors, but for their effectiveness to withstand any resistance to our personal revelations, we writers have to hook the audience in with familiarity and give them the illusion of control.

On Writing Atmosphere and Archetypes – The Violet Project Diaries – Entry 16

On Writing Atmosphere and Archetypes

…Is writing the second draft supposed to almost feel like you’re writing another story? Well, it doesn’t feel that extreme to me, but there’s a lot that needs to be added, changed, and polished. I don’t know why this seems strange. During this writing session there are times I feel like my first draft is a botched mess and the fact that I’m having to fill in details that were obviously necessary must mean my writing needs a massive amount of improvement, but harsh inner critic aside, I’m fully aware that writing will always be a practice. The best I can do is remain teachable, open, and devoted to the craft.

Just like music makes the mood for a social gathering, atmosphere and archetypes are key elements to the mood of any work of fiction. In art, mood and tone with colors range from cold to warms; I know in writing we have to explore all sorts of sensory details, so what I learned today, and also what I consider today’s triumph, is conveying a character’s demeanor with common attributes we associate with a Jungian archetype.

From Painful to Pain-free Perfectionism – [Just Me]

A while ago I ran into a Tumblr post about “grind culture” describing how there are people who are perfectionistic in regards to how they should be working, studying, living, and that reminded me of my fellow fans of the dark academia aesthetic and the studyblr tag. Here is the post:

I talk about perfectionism a bit whether I’m blogging or writing an article and it’s because it’s something that empowers me and haunts me. Although I’m so incredibly excited to be working on my psychology degree and in love with the course material so far, I had a meltdown over a quiz that I failed. I cried and panicked for nearly an hour and had to spend another hour calming myself down. In hindsight, I felt ridiculous, but more than anything I felt powerless. The perfectionism in me has developed into something that makes my mood swings and anxiety incredibly difficult to control. Therapy helped, but the feeling of shame took more time to work through.

I go through this as a writer too. What I was really worried about after my meltdown was my inability to handle something as small as a failed quiz leading to my inability to brace for subjective opinions about my work and career path. It was all revolving around a small failure that was hypothetically turning into a gargantuan failure. So after meditating on this, I came to the quick conclusion that first off, I was so tired of being this mean to myself; I truly do love myself so being unnecessarily harsh feels like a regression in my pursuit for better emotional and mental health. Then, I decided to challenge my view on what a “failure” is. At my core, I believed failure means shame and punishment. To challenge this core belief, I switched from calling my failures into mistakes. Failure can have a crassness to it, but “mistake” reminded me of the classic term “learn from your mistakes”. After that, I could look back at the quiz as a lesson about my mistakes.

What I learned was incredibly helpful. I took notice my anxiety levels while studying and doing any exercise, quiz, or whatever that “tests” me. I learned that instead of expecting perfectionism, I could strive for excellence, which to me requires an open and teachable mind that enjoys the process of self-improvement (You know, the whole “it’s the journey, not the destination” thing). I balance this out by thinking about my health logically. For excellence to happen, my brain needs rest, my body needs care, and my soul needs joyful reminders of my ambitions and aspirations. Although I did make sure to follow a schedule so the workload each day wasn’t more stressful than it already was, I didn’t take myself to the rigidity of grind culture I used partake in a long time ago in a elementary charter school far, far away almost until grad school. Knowing my personality, I’m already in that frame of mind where I want and will do my best. There’s absolutely no need for me to make my perfectionism into a monster, when its brought me so far and polished my work ethic. The most important lesson from that silly quiz was… don’t take the quiz if you’re panicking about the time limit more than the material. Lol.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that. Now that I have a decent routine with my psych classes, I can return to my writing routine. I am so glad my structure has returned and is solid enough to try new things.

Have a good one.

Prose of The High Priestess – [Poetry]

Prose of The High Priestess

Close your eyes. Fall. Let her catch you; if she doesn’t, know that there’s no intention to break your trust, but unconsciously keep a better promise through a deep dive into your psyche.

Close your eyes. Listen. Even when your eyes are open, you can feel her screaming in your most vulnerable places; your gut and your heart. Relentlessly, she struggles against your consciousness that is almost convinced to ignore her and instead let outside forces have the final say.

The Fun of Writing Environments – The Violet Project Diaries – Entry 15

Photo by Eric Tompkins on Unsplash

The Fun of Writing Environments

One author I was thinking about after my writing session today was F. Scott Fitzgerald. I think I may have blogged or written about his vivid writing style before. One night I decided to listen to The Beautiful and Damned on audiobook hoping it would help me go to sleep. It was impossible. The diction and rhythm of his writing kept me awake and invested in Anthony’s life, family, grandfather, and the girl in the tub. The narration is omnipotent third-person. There isn’t a lot of dialogue, but every scene has ambience, the internal conflicts and emotions of the protagonist are interdependent on the atmosphere of every scene. Of course why wouldn’t it? The American 1920s was a very lively time where your status and progress in life determined whether you were all the rage or not. Although there’s a looseness or almost carefree façade to the high class life of that time, there’s also a stress and competitiveness digging inside their guts. Fitzgerald wasn’t just narrating (and parodying, I think) about a time and characters he meticulously understood, but…

Thrown Off Schedule – [Just Me]

I’ve decided to just be honest since I haven’t been posting much of anything the past two weeks. My mental health threw off my schedule again, which is a part of my lifestyle I have to accept. However, I am still working on multiple articles, my novel, a music project, and polishing my short story “Autonomy Bleeds Black”. It’s not the multiple projects that is overwhelming me, but other factors in my life. Unfortunately, I have lost some momentum because of it, but I am not lost.

Getting back on schedule will take time, but it’ll happen. All you can do is be patient with yourself.

On another note, there are still more disturbing things happening in the US and worldwide that’s affecting so many of us on multiple levels. Remember to ground yourself and accept what you can’t control. Accept the changes around you and the differences you have with others. Give yourself a moment, then remind yourself what you’re fighting or living for.

Be well.

I Miss My Novel – [Just Me]

So, I dedicated this week to working on updates with my horror short “Autonomy Bleeds Black”, which is why I haven’t uploaded a VPD or blogged much of anything else this week. I knew I had to give the horror short some time to make sure my marketing is successful and that my dream of my short stories becoming movies becomes possible.

However, I miss the crap out of my novel! I’m going to work on it today and write a VPD as well as share my other ones. I guess this is the risk of having more than one writing project. Have you ever had this feeling though? Where you miss the world and characters you created? It’s gotten to the point where I have designed playlists for my characters with Spotify when I want to think about them (it’s very fun!). I honestly love this feeling and can’t wait to get back on track.

Also, I started the audiobook called Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. Have you read it? I absolutely love it so far. It’s definitely a must for artists of all types who need inspiration or encouragement, especially if you’re a poet.

Have a good one. Be safe.