I’ve been angry about this for over 24 hours and I need to let it go because I am not going to argue with ignorant minds on the Internet, but I just want to say this: Western academia is not the gatekeeper of historical truth. Just because an event in history wasn’t published by the University of Harvard or Oxford or whatever doesn’t mean “it didn’t happen” or that “there is no evidence”, especially when it comes to the history of indigenous people who weren’t even granted the privilege to have their history published for so long, let alone speak English. Regarding the history of American Natives, there are less than 60 Native American Studies programs in America. That’s a drop in the pool of other historical studies programs that focus solely on British or Eastern European history. Lastly, there will always be glimpses and events in history where no matter how far an archaeologist digs, how many books a scholar reads, or how many ancient texts or artifacts a historian or linguist may observe, we will never know the complete truth and we should accept that. Support understanding the wonders of history, but don’t act like the truth and nature of humanity is absolute. I mean, really, go ahead and claim omnipotence. Let’s see how far you get with that.
Even though I work another part-time job at the moment, I’m preparing for a schedule change where writing and creating will be my priority again. Authentikei was started due to wanting to become a novelist. I’m already a writer, musician, and artist who is finally seizing the time and courage needed to get my work out there. Building my career isn’t just about making money my bitch and defying certain social norms (haha), but also finding a community where we can have great discourse about our personal philosophies and truths along with enjoying art and life in general. If I want my work to stand for anything, it should be clear in the name: authenticity.
Thank you for your patience. Really wanted to touch base and I hope you’ll like what’s planned in the future. All the work I have announced has not been forgotten. In fact, it’s all coming together very nicely. I’ll have some new articles coming out too, by the way. Thank you for the support. Make sure you take care of yourselves.
Lastly, to my fellow Americans, please be respectful of Native American cultures during this time. You know exactly why we should be.
If you’re like me, maybe you had a history of shutting down your emotions. Perhaps you have a history of having your true feelings invalidated by those closest to you; a long, long history of emotional neglect. There’s power in emotional that can only be felt to be understood and I truly believe the most artistic souls are the ones who embody that because they break out and use that power to fight for what they lost long ago in that horrid history of emotional neglect.
It’s a blessing simultaneously, awakening us to an empowering reality that can also be very painful to process. That power can transform into a sickness that is so unique it seems incurable, yet it’s cleverly hiding the truth: it IS the cure.
I’m calling to you, my fellow goth and emo kids. It’s okay to feel alive and I promise you there’s nothing more thrilling than taking back your power through artistic means. Channel your emotional retaliation through shock, through awe, through horror, through beauty. Express yourself. Be alive. Stay alive.
Image: Exorcism possessed by Melissa Smith Photography
Edit 11/25/2019: A few of those earlier sentences didn’t make sense before lol fixed them now. Sorry about that.
I had a wonderful burst of musical inspiration today and lined up 11 songs for an upcoming album. There are definitely still cover songs and instrumentals I’d like to release before the album just to get my name out there, but I have to say, I’m pretty pumped for this. I have over 50 songs written and composed. I looked over half of them and realized which ones would make a great debut album showing how my musical ventures helped me through life most authentically.
Man, I am so damn grateful. Some of this energy has been heavy as hell and certainly inspired some creative writing, but goddamn…I spiraled down into some dark depths since the beginning of this month and it just kept getting worse.
In fact, life has been so strange energetically, I’ve steered away from the articles and essays I’ve been wanting to write, which makes me really sad. It’s a shame when none of my ideas feel right or that I feel like I’m spewing out nonsense rather than what I’m truly interested in. Thankfully, singing and playing the piano (like a complete amateur because I haven’t practiced in so long lol) helped me to remember the life I am manifesting and fighting for. Making my dreams into a reality has never been on hold, but sometimes you fall into a slump before you rise out of it again.
Hope you all are well!
Closer and closer to realizing my dreams as reality. Today is 11/11, a really special day with a very inspiring energy. I’m ravenous for creation, determined to publish and distribute my work. I truly feel like I’m finally going in the right direction and simultaneously knowing that going any direction will benefit me somehow.
This is a just a special time. Manifestation isn’t a joke or a fancy way of playing pretend and hoping all your dreams come true in a blink. It requires patience and emotional fortitude along with a strong belief in your developing work. To me, it’s a hunger and I am no longer starving. I am providing for myself each passing day.
I had a rough night, but such a peaceful morning because I remembered that I’m free to live how I want thanks to this hunger and the development of my own self-trust.
There are so many delusions out there that want us to believe that certain experiences, especially healing and success, can be achieved instantly. I’m not saying some instantaneous things happen in life, but too many of us think that the lack of an instantaneous event is a type of curse or punishment for whatever reason. The development of gaining any kind of achievement is a process; I like to call it practice.
Reminding myself that I am in a state of practice is an encouraging way to remain teachable. Being teachable also increased my gratitude for the resources that mentor me by simply existing. My practice is a natural patience that helps me to progress towards my achievements and give me time to appreciate where I am in the present moment. This practice isn’t always a peaceful flow (which is obvious because without disruption in life, what’s the point?) and I’m grateful for the unknown elements and the unexpected obstacles. Well, I’m not instantly grateful. I get irritated still. I rant and rave. I jump on a social media platform and express frustration or make it into a poem, song, short story, etc. and that’s when it happens. In the friction of my frustration with the obstacle and the unknown, I create a spectacular new opportunity for myself. That is inspiration and acting on that inspiration is a practice.
Practice is not about perfection. The unknown and unexpected make things wonderfully messy and bring disastrous intrigue that make my heart race and my mind fluster. I anchor myself with a pen on paper, my finger gliding over a keyboard, a graphite pencil on a sketchbook, or with sound soaring from my throat. The practice is merging these instantaneous inspirations into long-term investments. Manifestation.
I adore being in a state of practice. It gives me permission to be human and just bleed.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Samhain. I witnessed many changes within myself and around me. This past sabbat had a very initiatory energy to me. This technically is the “new year” for pagans, so it makes sense.
I spend my sabbats very privately, especially this most recent one. Even though I’ve only been pagan for about a year and am still learning a lot, Samhain has been a special day for me even during childhood. I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween growing up, but the day has always felt special to me. I know now I was just tapping into some spirit work abilities and those experiences really influence my writing.
I’ve had to think more carefully about my creative projects. Writing about Hermeticism, past lives, and other topics are still on the list, but I’ve been putting some unnecessary pressure on myself to write “high quality content”, which is the goal of course, but high quality doesn’t mean I should be stressing myself out over making sure I write something that will be approved by everyone who comes across it. Sometimes you’re going to create something or express yourself in some way that others won’t like and gladly mock. Instead of interpreting that as some kind of punishment or scolding, it should be interpreted as experience. Simple as that. My sensitive soul makes things complicated for the sake of avoiding the “experience” and I’m ready to start breaking that habit. That honestly is the main reason why I post articles/essays so slowly. I shouldn’t be rushing myself, and I don’t, but for this to be a substantial career as I write my novel and work on other projects, I need to be serious about writing more frequently.
This is just where my mind has been lately. I’m diving into my unconscious mind and investigating what’s really holds me back from allowing myself to reach success, to create, to attract abundance, to just be. Uprooting the excuses I’ve validated for so long is a process. It’s not very fun, but it’s very necessary.
Please expect more from me and I’ll do my best to stop disappearing for a week randomly, but I can’t make any promises. For those who follow my work, thank you for your patience.